7 problems in relationships and how to solve them
April 22, 2012
- 7 problems in relationships and how to solve them
- Quarrels and trust
It seldom happens that a couple in life never met obstacles. If you know in advance what difficulties you expect it will be easier to cope with them. Ideally, partners should discuss the main themes - such as money, sex or children - before they start living together. But even if you were discussing their marriage or long-term relationships are seldom exactly as you planned.
In any marriage there are difficulties, but successful couples learn to deal with them. In such pairs people get used to solve problems. Much for this article, and read books, attend seminars, turning to the art, is used as a good example of other successful couple or just go by trial and error.
All relationship problems are due to poor communication skills, experts say. Remember that you can not communicate with your partner, talking to other people on the phone, watching TV or reading magazines.
Strategies to address
- Take the time. Yes, it takes time for each other. If you live together, turn off the phone, put the kids to bed and communicate.
- If you can not communicate without raising his voice, go to a public place - a park or a restaurant where you will be uncomfortable yelling at partner.
- Establish rules. For example, do not interrupt each other, not to say phrases such as "You always ..." or "You never ..."
- Remember that the majority of successful communication - the ability to listen. When the partner says, do not doodle, or look at the clock to clean nails. Nods to show that heard partner. If necessary, repeat his thought, to paraphrase, such as: "Do I understand you are concerned that you have to do more things at home, even though we both work? "Even if the partner had in mind that he considers you a slut, and he was tired to clean up litter, further conversation could be more polite.
Even partners who love each other do not necessarily sexually. Both men and women often lack of sexual education and understanding of himself. But for what it is not necessary to give up sex. A regular sex life is healthy and maintain your connection.
Strategies to address
- Plan. Plan ahead for the time - not necessarily at night if you are very tired during the day. Maybe on Saturday afternoon, while the child sleeps. Or the morning before work. Or send Friday baby to grandparents for the night. Writing sex in your calendar, you start to look forward to it. Do not forget to bring variety. Why not have sex in the kitchen, the fireplace, or standing in the hallway?
- Ask your partner what he finds the most sexy. You can create lists of what turns you on, and share them to then use them for inspiration.
- If you can not solve sexual problems yourself, consult a specialist.
Money problems can start even before the wedding, with a discussion of the costs. Experts recommend not to quarrel over money, and sit down and talk over all your concerns.
Strategies to address
- Discussing money matters, be honest in assessing the situation. For example, if you have lost a source of income, it is not necessary to hope that you will continue to spend the same amount of money as before.
- Do not discuss financial matters in the heat of an argument. Instead, assign a special time to talk, convenient for both.
- Recognize that the partners may have different habits in handling money, such as one used to spend, and the other to save. It is not a quarrel, and the opportunity to learn from each other.
- Do not hide income or debt. Show each other financial documents, including bank statements, loan documents, statement of earnings, insurance documents and so on.
- Do not blame the partner.
- Create a joint budget that includes savings.
- Decide which of you will have to pay monthly expenses.
- Be sure to leave everyone money for personal needs.
- Identify short-term and long-term goals. Everyone can have their purpose, but must be shared, family.
- If necessary, discuss financial assistance to parents.
Problem: The row over the affairs of the house
Nowadays most couples both partners go to work, so it is very important to fairly distribute household chores.
Strategies to address
- An organized approach to the issue. Write down all the things and spread. Do it honestly - the job must be the same complexity that no one feels offended.
- Consider other options. If you both do not like to get out, may be to hire a housekeeper. If one partner is not against work at home, let the other is responsible for laundry and food shopping. You can come to any decision, as long as both considered fair division of responsibilities.
Problem: relationships are not a priority
If you want to keep the relationship for a long time, you have to exert much effort. Over time, even the brightest feelings lose their intensity. To avoid cooling, it is necessary to make the relationship a priority.
Strategies to address
- Do everything that did when first started dating: give pleasant things, make compliments
Compliments and their meaning: do not mistake the words
, Talk on the phone during the day, show your interest in your partner.
- Plan to date. Celebrate the time you spend together in the diary or calendar, along with other events.
- Respect each other. Do not forget to thank the partner. To show him that he is important.
Daughter-in-law, and: safety rules
December 2nd, 2013
Almost all girls dream of marrying a loved one and live with it happily. But over time, it is clear that with the dearly beloved husband in the girl's life and includes a new family - father-in-law. And if her father usually do not actively intervene in the life of a young family, it is possible-in-law problem. How to build a relationship with the mother of her husband?
What are in-law
All people are different, and in-laws also differ from each other. But in general, there are three main types of in-law:
- Malevolence. Perhaps she subconsciously jealous of his son to the daughter. Perhaps she believes that her dear son is worthy of the best of the party. Maybe she envies the youth and beauty of the bride. Whatever the reason, such in-law was a malevolent. It can ignore the wife of his son, to talk to her by fiat tone constantly sarcastic, rude, or gossip about daughter;
- Friendly. It would seem - is ideal. Such in-law from the first day exploring the daughter calls her daughter, takes care of her, trying to help a young family. But friendly in-law has its drawbacks: such a woman can literally "strangle" their care. Not every daughter like it if someone would always give her advice (of course, the best of intentions), to get out of her closet and all kinds climb in family life;
- Indifferent. Perhaps this in-law loves his son, but maybe just happy that he grew up and went off to raise a family. By-law as it applies in any case immaterial. From her not to wait for help, but the gossip about daughter-in-law this will not be - simply because her son's wife to have no case.
How to get along with her mother in law
The easiest way to save in-law a good relationship with the separation. Joint life often leads to conflict, and it is quite natural, not for nothing that they say that two housewives in one kitchen, do not get along. But unfortunately, not all young couples can immediately afford separate housing - even if it is removable, so many women have the experience of living together with her mother in law.
Coming into the apartment in-law, do not try to set their own rules there. It is unlikely that this behavior will approve in-law, no matter how loving they may be. It is unconditionally recognize excellence-in-law, never to argue with her, to smile and to show respect. Of course, it is quite difficult, but if you do not have their own homes, it can not be choosers. The house-in-law will always be a mistress - herself the mother in law. The young wife can only accept and struggled to motivate the wife to earn money for his own apartment.
Live with mother-friendly - a pleasure: she will take care of all the chores, always support, always ready to help with money and food. But do not abuse the courtesy-law, it is also better to try to help as much as possible. It is best not to complain-in-law to her husband. In general, it should be remembered that in-law - not a girlfriend, and you should not tell her the whole story about yourself. Also, it is desirable to constantly demonstrate their gratitude to her.
If the care-law seems excessive, to inform her of this very seriously: hints she may not understand, but on the direct word - offense. It is better if to talk to her own son, and do not focus on the fact that the aid is not needed in-law, and that it needs to keep power.
With indifferent in-law get along, too, is relatively easy: the main thing - not to fall into her eyes and did not break the habitual rhythm of her life. No noise at night, no dirty dishes in the sink, no scattered things. Dealing be polite as possible to propose, but not impose help.
Spiteful mother-ruined more than one marriage. There is little not to fall into her eyes - she burst into the room and tell you what a bad wife chose her son. It is better not to argue, in all humility and demonstrate seek every opportunity to get away from the in-law until she has destroyed relationships. Well, if her son to explain to my mother that she was wrong, but hopes for such educational measures slightly.
Many brides are unhappy that the mother in law does not help them. But this discontent is completely groundless: personal in-law should neither his son, nor, especially, his wife. It is not necessary to bring in-law has some specific requirements, and then chat with her will not bring disappointment. If the parents are living separately from her husband of a young family, enough several times a year to visit them or to invite, without entering into a closer relationship.
From afar, it is always easier to establish relations. During a rare visit to her mother in law should radiate kindness and respect, ask the husband's mother tips, admire it prepared dishes and make every attempt to make friends. Friendship-in-law are possible, you just try. You should not constantly demonstrate its rights to her son - even nerevnivy-law is unlikely to be thrilled by such behavior. It is desirable to flirt with in-law - it is something, perhaps like, but in-law may be very unhappy, both for himself and for his son.
We should not curry favor in-law - a calm and confident behavior is much more attractive. Courteous treatment, calm conversations about everything, gifts for holidays and other ritual gestures will help to improve relations with the mother of her husband. If the hard-law does not go to the contact, it is better to stop trying to win her. In this case it is necessary to maintain a formal relationship, but not to present expensive gifts-in-law, and not to impose her intimate conversations.