Secrets of appeal - Do not compare yourself with Miss World
January 27, 2008
Avoid meaningless comparisons. Train yourself to think of professional beauties like the incarnation of the achievements of modern beauty industry (or genetic abnormalities). Never compare yourself to them - the comparison would not be in your favor. Also, do not forget that your ideals are likely to also unhappy with their appearance, and comparing themselves with other beauties. And too upset. "I never considered myself a beauty, - says Carol Alt, popular in the 1980s supermodel. - Always attractive girl were me, who were in the room and all eyes immediately rushed to them. My God, you just remember Nicolette Sheridan - that is beautiful! "
Think about your environment
"It is human nature to look at themselves through the eyes of others - sure Ellen McGrath, a psychologist and president of the Institute Advisory The Bridge. - People surrounding us significantly affect the perception of our own appearance. If we receive from childhood to love and care for others, accustomed to see themselves in the best light, as if the soft candlelight romantic dinner. But if our loved ones are critical and constantly strive to give us the truth about our appearance, we gradually assimilating this relationship and consider its reflection in the mirror is particularly meticulously, constantly looking for weaknesses. If you are accustomed to consider themselves unattractive, consider whether the guilt of your relatives and friends. "
Do not focus on yourself!
Modest and shy people are constantly comparing themselves with others, and believe that in this comparison they lose. "Fixated on themselves, people tend to evaluate their appearance unduly critical, - says Bernie Carducci, a psychology professor at Indiana University. - If you force yourself to think more about others and force them to look for your location, your own fears and uncertainty reduced. Said at a party with friends - and you will automatically look more attractive. This kind of social capital - he gives to others to understand that you have the qualities of a leader, you are an interesting person and you need to make friends. "
Think of the body as an instrument
Your body - or static object in constant motion and development mechanism? "Women are more concerned with how their body looks, while men are more concerned with its function, not appearance, quite naturally, - said Stephen Franzoi, a psychology professor at the University of Marquette. - If you think of the body as an instrument, you can learn to perceive it as something that is capable of change and transformation. This active position gives authority over his own body to you, not others, who estimates his side. "
Beware of criticizing himself, his appearance and actions, especially in front of others. "Replace criticism with compliments
Compliments and their meaning: do not mistake the words
For example, instead of saying "my disgusting fat thighs", say "my strong muscular legs" - advises Professor Emeritus of the University of Vermont James Rosen. - Take time to think about the rest of the aspects of your image that are forming themselves in others. Think about what you like in your friends - perhaps they appreciate your loyalty and professional competence, and maybe they are attracted to your spontaneity and kindness? Ultimately, these qualities are more important than any external beauty, which, besides, will disappear over time. "
Cultivate your uniqueness
Carducci, a very shy guy, seriously working to overcome this disadvantage, trying to be not only the most pleasant guy in the room, but also the most stylish "My style - half GQ, half flea market. One of the most favorite outfit - yellow cotton shirt, a red tie with a geometric pattern, leather shoes and coats in gray, "Christmas tree". His suit, I want to say to others: "Here I am, let's have fun! "When you wear cool and unusual clothing that reflects your attitude, others more easily find a common language with you - it's not a beauty, but rather openness and predisposition to dialogue."
The older, the more attractive
We are all afraid of old age, but science proved that with age we become more attractive! "Mature women more confident - says Leslie Goldman, author of the book" Diary of the locker room »(Locker Room Diaries) - a collection of long-term observations of the women in the gym. - I've never seen a woman older than 60 flies into the bathroom to change clothes until they came the rest, or looking around warily, before dropping a towel after a shower. "
Beauty - not a panacea for ills
Statistics confirm that looks attractive people not a whit happier than their less attractive peers. Makes us happy is not the beauty and optimism, hope, love, friendship, acceptance, and finding purpose in life. "Do not get me wrong, I did not grumble at fate - I was also a high point, and beauty has helped me a lot to achieve, - says Carol Alt. - But I also got in life. I experienced a heavy divorce, the death of his father and brother. I do not think that fate depends on appearance and beauties life is not easier. "
Family psychology: when the third - not a superfluous
December 8, 2013
Family psychology - a trend in psychology, which deals with the peculiarities of family relations, and also the interaction of the family with the world - in the broadest sense. For family psychologist can deal with problems such as a pair, and the extended family.
Some of the problems dealt with family psychology
- Relationship problems couples;
- Learning problems in children and adolescents;
- Behavioral problems of children and adolescents;
- Problems between parents and children;
- Adaptation difficulties that arise in the case of serious diseases (including - of mental disorders) one of the members of the family;
- Problems associated with the operation of adult family members;
- The problems associated with the aging of any of the relatives;
- Problems in communication between two or more family members.
In its work, family psychologist comes from the fact that the family - is a unique social system with its structure and patterns of communication. These schemes are determined by many factors, including ideology and values of their parents, personal characteristics of family members, influenced by the extended family (it includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives). Under the influence of these factors in each family creates a unique microclimate, which plays an important role in shaping the personality of each member of the family separately.
In addition, family psychology, the following concepts:
- Illness of a family member (here refers to a disease primarily psychological problems) may be a symptom of a serious disorder in the family. If you treat only the person who developed the disease, it will be treating the symptoms but not the disease itself. If you heal one person, and not the entire family, some time may be ill another family member. This cycle will be repeated until fail to identify and eliminate the underlying problem.
- Any changes in the life of a member of the family influence both the structure of the family as a whole, and of each of its individual members.
Experts who deal with family psychologist, always consider the problems of the individual in the context of family relationships - from their point of view, any difficulties one person is symptom changes or conflicts in his family.
The main objectives of family psychologist
- Explain to family members, how the family in general, and specifically to talk about the functioning of their family.
- Help them to pay attention to the whole family as a whole, not just the person who has a problem, because of which needed psychological help
Psychological help: to understand their own rubble ...
- Help to identify the main causes of conflicts and problems, and develop strategies to overcome them.
- Strengthen ties between family members so that they can work effectively to solve problems.
- Teach family members constructively to resolve any conflicts within.
Quite often the cause of problems in the family becomes not the conflict itself, but how it is family members cope with it. As a result of regular consultations with a psychologist family members must realize that they are all to some extent responsible for the problems that arise, although one would have to change their behavior to a greater extent than others. In addition, thanks to the expert in family psychology, a person can get to know not only his family, but also himself.
Family therapy requires the active participation of all members of the family. The psychologist can give the job - for example, distribute the duties among family members because of their age, or every night for an hour to discuss the previous day. Methods of family psychology will help only if the job offered by the psychologist, will be carefully executed.
What to expect from the consultation with the family psychologist
First of all, the psychologist will relate to your problems impartially - he would not stand in anyone's way, someone to blame or offer versatile solutions that are suitable for everyone. Its primary mission is to the family members began to openly share their experiences, and to understand each other.
A consultation usually lasts 50-90 minutes, depending on the needs of customers and the procedures used by the psychologist.
Everyone who comes for consultation, should participate in the general talk freely, without coercion.
Family psychologist must take into account the age, needs and preferences of its customers. For example, if you go for consultation young children, therapy may be used drawing or play. In addition, some people are willing to speak openly and from the very first consultation, while others need time to get used to communicate with a psychologist - all expert should be taken into account so as not to alienate the customer by excessive pressure. The psychologist can conduct separate sessions for each family member individually, only for parents, but for the children, as well as general advice to arrange. You can from the start to discuss how the consultation will be held, but over time the psychologist can, if necessary, make adjustments to the treatment plan.
- Intrafamily problems can be aggravated if the consultations are carried out enough qualified specialist.
- Family psychologist does not help solve the problem if the advice is too early to stop.
- Consultation will be less effective if someone from the family members refuse to talk with a psychologist.