By three years of a child more or less adapted to life in the family, and the family has time to fully adapt to it. He did not wake the whole house at night, in compliance with the more or less measured daily routine, every day is growing rapidly, pleasing surrounding their discoveries ... and suddenly turns into a monster home - a crisis of three years.

Well, maybe not quite a monster, but he suddenly begins to rebel, it can not be in something persuade, and it is extremely difficult to reach an agreement. In the majority of requests and suggestions of senior, he gives a negative answer. If you are on something you insist the child irritable, crying and starts all possible ways to resist your will. He does not want to go for a walk, she refuses to sit at the table, change clothes, bathe; it becomes unmanageable, stubborn and aggressive. Parents just have to call for help all his patience, and try hard not to lose his temper. All these signs indicate that the child crisis began three years - well-known, but no less complex phenomenon.

It's not that, as some parents, the child becomes the "bad", or the nature of the spoils. Simply, he begins to realize that he - is he an individual, not a mother, father or grandmother. Yes, he understands this is not at once - in the first years of his life he was very closely associated with the parents or guardians; not in vain close (especially - mothers), speaking about the child often used the word "we" instead of "I am a child." Only three years the child begins to think of himself in the first person ("I am!"). He understands that he has his own will and desire, which may not coincide with the will of adults. This discovery is so important that it changes the child's relationship to the world as he just can not change their behavior. That is why he has a strong need to organize your life the way he wants, without being subject to anyone.

Since three years, the child usually does not understand exactly what he wants from life and how to better organize (not surprising, because often they do not know even adults), he chooses the only means available to it to exercise its will - to reject all offers adults people. This is the source of the problem: the child simply does not understand the difference between "I", "I want" and "I need", and even more so can not yet be aware that his personal freedom is limited by the freedom of others. To help small rebel figure it all - a difficult and important task for parents.

The main symptoms of the crisis three years

• Denial. Almost any request and offer the child refuses.
• Stubbornness. A child may do something not because it wants to, but just to show - it can do as it sees fit. For example, it may require parents to buy exactly the toy that he already has, turn off the TV, when they watch the news, and so on.
• Demonstrative behavior. You ask the child to keep the cup firmly to avoid spilled milk, and he throws it on purpose. Likewise, it can defiantly throw toys away to get away from you on the street, although you it is forbidden, and the like.
• Protest. Child violent protests in almost any situation - for example, in the store when you choose him clothes, in a cafe, at a party. As a rule, children who are experiencing a crisis of three years, did not hesitate to strangers and do what they want, no matter where they are.
• Depreciation. It seems that everything that ever was expensive for a child devalued: he can hit his mother, once a favorite toy to throw in the trash, give up your favorite treats.
• Heavy-handed. One of the main goals of the child becomes the subordination of the surrounding adults. He does not ask, and requires very rapidly reacts to the failure to comply.

Guidelines for parents during the crisis three years

Under no circumstances do not scold the child when he does not fulfill what you say to him; It is especially important not to give him such characteristics as "bad", "capricious", "evil", and so on. Because of such words in his address child may permanently lose faith in yourself and in the future has a chance to become a regular customer of the psychoanalyst.

Explain to him that you understand the motives of his conduct; for example, say, "I see you do not agree with a proposal to mom." Then, quietly, without raising his voice, tell your child that, despite its opposition, he has no right to be rude to other people and to do what parents say, because to a certain age, they are responsible for it, and he still can not make that provide themselves with everything you need yourself.

As often as possible gives a child the opportunity to choose, for example, that he wants for breakfast - scrambled eggs or porridge, when and where he wants to go for a walk, and so on. Give him the opportunity to make their own what he can already do - to dress, comb and so on. No matter what will be faster if you did - but there was a child some freedom to weaken his desire to rebel. The reward for your efforts is that the child will grow harmonious, independent and happy person. When he had to learn how to apply your will, problems with the baby will be a little less. If at that time did not give him the opportunity to prove himself as an independent, free personality, may eventually cause a variety of psychological problems, to solve which it is very difficult.

When the child turns three years (or so), and when the parents only have time to breathe a sigh of relief after the sleepless nights, the first disease and fear that few people can escape in the first few years of baby's life, begin a new problem. How to cope with children in various problem situations that often become a stumbling block?

The child refuses to perform mundane requests, strongly opposes everything that was offered, and seems to be constantly battling with the outside world. Someone this period passes quickly enough, and some children are too stubborn for the next few years - these are features of nature, and although it has its pluses, they occur much later; now parents have to deal with a wayward child, "I" is growing much faster than his body.

Cleanliness

Situation: A child has spent half a day, pulling toys from boxes and cabinets, and when it's time to remove them, refused to do so.

What to do: Young children are often unable to make the clean up toys, asking them to make it a race: who will collect more toys in five minutes or less fill the toy box. Stubborn children are usually carried away by such a game - they are trying to use every opportunity to show ourselves and others, what they can do. You can even record the child's achievements in the field of cleaning, hang a sheet of paper with the appropriate entries on the wall of his room and invites him to beat his own record. Some parents have even come up with a system of incentives for new records.

The child is older (four years) to offer to act as assistant to the parents. Offer need not just so, and highlighting its advantages, such as: "You're so good to lay the table / water the flowers, and help me with the cleaning - for a start, gather the toys." So the child will think that clean toys - a privilege that not everyone deserves, and will treat it, not as a heavy burden.

Always use encouraging words instead of threats. For example, instead of saying "You're not going to walk into the park, is not clean toys" you say, "As soon as you sweep the toy, you can go to the park." If the answer to this, he says that he still wants to go to the park, because there he was waiting for friends, gently continue to insist on: "Of course, you can go to your friends ... as soon as you have gathered toys."

Bath and sleep

Situation: A child knows when it's time to take a bath, then soon he will be put to bed, so he either does not want to go to the bath, or do not want out of it to get out, and continues to fight in the bedroom, battling with pajama pants and jacket that it tried to put the parents.

What to do: borrow method, which perfectly familiar filmmakers - using music to affect a person's mood. Soft music will help the child to tune in to sleep so that he does not notice. If a child has a favorite music, turn it until he takes a bath and change clothes; under its accompaniment can also be read bedtime story Dreams: how to understand our dreams   (most importantly, that the music was quiet, and if it so happens that your child likes something in the spirit of Rammstein (which is rare, but it happens), it is better to select a melody to your taste).

Another method to cope with a child in this situation is to get the child to say "yes" at least three times in a row. To do this, ask him various questions, such as: "You like to play with these toys for a bath, right? "(Yes, and how!)," And maybe the next time you try to take a bath with glasses for swimming, it would be great? "(Good idea!)" This dinosaur is swimming? Will you show me? "(Of course I show! Look at that!). First, the child is important that parents show an interest in what he likes most. Second, psychologists believe that when a person agrees with you at least three times in a row, it helps to break the resistance, and it is ready to agree to continue, and thus will not feel that he is under pressure.

Meals

Situation: A child refuses to eat vegetables, agrees only on the white carbohydrate and other junk food or says that he is not hungry. You, on the one hand, fear that it will starve and lose weight, on the other hand, you hate to see such an attitude after you have spent a lot of time to cook dinner.

What to do: Put on the table before the child small portions of food that you have prepared. Let them a bit - you can put a small plate of vegetable salad and boiled rice, but you can still give the child a choice. This is important because often children refuse to eat not because they do not want to eat what you have prepared, but because they feel the need to demonstrate its will, that at a certain age it is quite natural. At the same time, experts recommend not to talk about food (no "let's eat and then stay hungry!"). Start eating themselves, and at the same time tell the child and others present at the table about how was your day, the weather - in short, everything except food and behavior of your child.

If the child agrees to have the first and second dish just for dessert, psychologists are advised to immediately put in front of him dessert, but the portion should be very small. For example, one small biscuit or cake, a candy, and so on. The child should know - that's all he gets, and there is a minimal amount of main dishes to dessert feels full, it will not leave. He can eat dessert at once, and if he is still hungry - and he probably will - be able to return it to the soup or vegetable salad, which refused at first.

clothing

Situation: Your little fashionista (or mod) Wear clothes that you think will look stupid and out of place, or it is simply not the weather. Another variant of the situation - a child every morning tends to re-measure, at least half of his wardrobe.

What to do: First, if your child has too many clothes, you know that you have created the premise for this situation. Therefore, it is necessary to remove unnecessary things - something that is not appropriate for the time of year and that can be worn only on special occasions. Do this when the baby is asleep or busy with something else. If you ask him whether it is possible to remove those or other things, he must say that it is impossible, but if you do it without his knowledge, he is unlikely to notice something.

Second, you can cook in the evening for baby clothes for tomorrow, or make two or three sets of clothes to choose from, so that he could take the initiative.

If the child does not want to wear a jacket and getting ready to throw a tantrum about this, to give him, but before leaving the house grab his jacket with him. Five minutes later, his teeth were chattering from the cold beast will be very happy to put on a jacket stockpiled. During this time, he is unlikely to earn cold (if he has, in general, normal health), but a good lesson.