Anger in children: its causes, consequences and how to deal with it - the age of eight - twelve years

How to cope with anger in children eight - twelve years

Between eight and twelve years of children experience serious psychological changes. Just in front of they get older and become more reserved, quieter and withdrawn. They are no longer children but not yet teenagers.

Help your child to become a whole person, able to manage their emotions

The word "teenager" frightens many parents - they had previously come to the horror of puberty, for fear that a son or daughter gets into bad company, starts to drink, smoke or take drugs. Most parents are not quite ready for that child grows. So get used to see the identity of the child is necessary, even when it is small. An eight-man already emotionally and intellectually developed, to him it was possible to speak of serious topics, to help him understand his own feelings and emotions, including help to deal with anger.

When a child gets angry, give him more freedom

Smart people know when to argue and when - remain silent or to compromise. The ability to "choose battle" comes from experience, and to your growing child it refers to the full.

It is only natural that the emotional and intellectual development of children aged eight to twelve years entails an increase in the responsibility - parents should give the child understand that his every choice and action has consequences, for which he must answer. This means that when the child comes out of himself, begins to scream, arranges a tantrum because he wants to spend their money (received as a gift or earned) on some whim or caprice (eg, attraction, toy or computer game) , do not argue with him. In this case it is better to remain silent - a consequence of this choice will tell all of you, and teach the child to continue a cautious approach to spending money. So you not only save your nerves and not to spoil relations with a child, but also help him to be more careful not to give momentum and not let emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code   take over.

Psychologists call this tactic "discipline of reality," because in this case the role of a strict educator serves life, not you. This technique is particularly suited to independent wayward children, who are always trying to get their way. Of course, we should not indulge the child in all but decisive "no" should be reserved for special occasions - the more significant it will sound.

Talk to your child about his anger not only when he is angry

The busy schedule is difficult to find time to nurture and intimate conversations with the child. But if you want, he learned to control his anger and direct it in a constructive direction, it is essential to talk to him about it, not only when he is angry, or angry.

Remember that you feel when you are angry. Surely in such moments you are able to listen to the voice of reason and common sense? Remember how your breathing quickens, as you can not sit still on the nervous excitement, as it can not remember saying that your opponent (in the case of a quarrel). Obviously, it is difficult to reason with a man from the wrath of losing control. Therefore, this subject must be lifted when the child is calm and can listen to your words.

To help your child, tell him that the older he gets, the more responsible for their behavior, the better it is to control emotions, because my mother did not always be there, and the surrounding will not be as coolly treat his stall. Tell me that you understand it, that the angry and sometimes "let off steam" - normally. But pay attention to the child that he can control his reaction to anger, and only depends on him how he would feel after outburst - miserable and crushed with shame for their behavior, or whether he will be able to learn a lesson from this situation.

For this conversation, which is desirable to carry out shortly after the outbreak of anger, when the child has not forgotten what happened, you can use the technique which is well known to psychologists. Ask your child to describe his emotions and sensations during the outbreak, ask what caused his anger, why he reacted, if he was satisfied with the result and how it will behave in a similar situation next time. Over time, the child will begin to see the connection between their actions and their consequences.

At first, the child does not understand, which is also to blame for the quarrel (with parents or other children), but gradually, over time, he begins to realize that in any conflict are guilty two. Talk with the parents (or other adults who have authority in the child) gives him the opportunity to think about their own situation and come to the right conclusions, even if not immediately. In short, as the child learns to understand that what happened there and its wines.

Help your child make his own plan of punishment

When the child is aware that anger and aggressive behavior can be a source of problems and complicate his life, you can calmly discuss with him, to some unpleasant consequences may cause undesired reaction in a given situation. First of all, you need to decide what it means to "abnormal reaction". Ask your child whether he considers normal that during an argument opponents fighting, pushing, name-calling or spit. Most children know what to do so badly, and recognize it when not in a critical situation.

To help the child, parents can make a list of unacceptable actions during an outbreak of anger, and propose options for punishment (the consequences) for the wrong (not bad!) Behavior. For example, timeout or isolation room, a ban on work at the computer or toys.

Parents can also offer your child a healthy alternative to the expression of anger. For example, a child can get out there, where no one will hear, and yell until you calm down or draw their emotions.

When the plan is ready and approved by both parties (parents and child), it must sign and affix in a prominent place, such as on the refrigerator. Now the child is not to say that you decide for it, and will know exactly how to bring the consequences of his actions.

The most important thing for parents - keep calm and composure when a child loses his temper and gets angry. This will show him that you are on his side and ready to help him rein in anger.

Aggressiveness a teenager - age features or psychological problem?

How to determine the causes of anger in adolescents and understand whether it is a means to defend the independence, or a sign of more serious problems with the education of the child

Adults have forgotten what it is - to feel as if trapped between childhood and adolescence, when people still see you as a child, and you yourself have already consider yourself an adult. Teens are discovering a whole new world - a relationship with the opposite sex, driving, new hobbies, choice of profession. At this stage the open intervention of parents is perceived painfully.

Many teenagers react to the attempts of adults to teach them life very rapidly - in anger, they can not shout out what they wanted to say. For example, parents should not accept the words "I hate you! "Literally. This and similar statements speak only about what the child is very angry at you and is powerless to express their dissatisfaction otherwise.

It is one thing when such phrases have occasionally pulled a calm and obedient child, and quite another - when the conflict children and parents becomes permanent. As in this case, to understand the anger is particularly difficult puberty Transitional age - the period of emotional turmoil   or speaks of a deeper problem?

Psychologists believe that if you want to break the cycle of family scandals and quarrels, and to get the children's good behavior, you have to struggle with anger. When parents feel helpless in front of aggression and anger of the child when the aggressiveness seems trait, not a temporary condition, the child may have serious psychological problems.

In such cases, parents often give up, which is understandable. But before you give up, try using tips to help subdue this monster anger settled in your home.