How to protect your child from the attacks of their peers: Tips for Parents
April 28, 2012
- How to protect your child from the attacks of their peers: Tips for Parents
- The joint solution of problems
- Help the school
This is a real torture - to be the target of attacks peers. Many of us know this firsthand - someone teased in the garden, someone hid things in elementary school, and someone has suffered as a teenager. You have long grown up and become a mother, and now you terrifies the idea that your child can expect the same fate.
No matter because of what upset child - he took away a toy, peers proved to stand with him in a couple, did not take to the game, girlfriend was not invited to a birthday, a friend broke his nose, classmates teased ... The child is experiencing any of these incidents painful it needs the support and advice of their parents. Why contemporaries disliked him? How to behave in such a situation the parents? How to prevent the frustration and pain of a loved one? Do I need to teach you child to hit back or defend themselves it? Maybe peer ridicule and attacks - is an integral part of growing up, a sort of rite of passage, through which all children?
For some reason, assumed that the parents raise too much fuss about this phenomenon - think of the child being bullied, do not worry, the children will understand. But psychologists warn that it is a very dangerous delusion.
It turns out that even in eighty years, we remember all the mockery and attacks, which were exposed in early childhood, the names of our offenders and the name of the one who protected us. Echoes of pain experienced in childhood, we feel throughout life. Fortunately, at our disposal, there is information that will allow the attacks to stop bullying and peer, so why not use it?
How do you know whether the child being bullied at school or kindergarten
Do not expect that the child will come to you and say, "I teased and bullied at school, the other kids called me bad words and take my things." Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and the older the child, the less likely that he would complain to parents on what is happening. If he says anything he does not - should watch him.
Parents should alert any change in a child's behavior. If a child is behaving unusually (for example, became secretive and brooding), possibly a reaction to the persecution of their peers.
Parents should look at the child, if he wants to go to kindergarten or school, avoid large crowds, returning to employment depressed, crying for no apparent reason, and rarely talks about what is happening in the kindergarten (school). If this happens often, probably, he had an awkward relationship with their peers, and parents should intervene.
In addition, parents should pay attention to see if the child's body bruises, abrasions and scratches. Often children who are subjected to humiliation and harassment, harm themselves. Self-harm may also be a sign of a perfect child abuse. If the boy is afraid to go to the bathroom, it is often said that school or kindergarten tease his "blue", laughing at his penis or bullied in some other way. Since the bathroom there is only one way out, is the perfect place to tease other children, arrange a "dark". When the boy is suffering the whole day and did not go to the toilet, it can cause serious gastrointestinal disease. Watch the child if, after returning home from school or kindergarten, he immediately ran to the toilet, it can be a sign of harassment and bullying peers or older boys.
If a child is behaving unusually - in whatever it manifested itself - should first think about whether it does not hurt other children at school or kindergarten. Even if abuse is not accompanied by physical abuse, the child still receives a strong trauma that can affect his whole life, if parents (or other adults) do not intervene in a timely manner.
What if the child complains that he hurt the other children
If the child complains that his other children being bullied, teased or do not want to play with him, let him speak. In no case do not stop it, do not say: "Perhaps you are to blame, can not they stick to you just like that." This mistake made by many parents. Do not assume that the child is his own fault that it hurt, and certainly do not try to instill this idea to him. Bullying rarely cause or logical explanation, and the child does not matter why it hurt - is important to him that this was happening to him.
Listen carefully to the child, not condemning it in advance for a hypothetical bad behavior. Let him talk. Do not try to solve the problem immediately or declare that there is no problem. Ask the child what happened, why it happened so hooked and hurt. Try to learn more about the offender (or offenders) your son or daughter who he was, for a long time if they are familiar with, in some respects they are.
No need to rush to condemn the offender, and exclaim, "Oh, what a bad boy (girl)! "You know only one version of events. Most likely, the child does not expect you to a violent reaction, indignation and fury, he does not expect that you immediately throw yourself to deal with his abuser. He just needs to know that you always listen to him and that his life is important to you. When the child has finished the story, you can take the next step, depending on whether you want your intervention or not.
If parents are too violently react to the story of a child begin to resent or rush to revenge the offender, the child may take a back seat and go into myself. In most cases, a child can cope with the offenders without interference from adults (parents should not intervene directly, but only to help with advice), and if the mother will accompany him relentlessly on the playground or in the garden, it will do little to improve relations with their peers. And more on its frankness you do not have to count.
How to discipline a child: recommendations parents
May 21, 2012
- How to discipline a child: recommendations parents
The ability to effectively discipline the child - is an art that must master all parents. Discipline - not the same as punishment. Discipline increasingly regard to education, not punishment: you teach the child the difference between right and wrong, what should respect the rights of other people, what the rules of conduct adopted in society. All this in order to help the child to grow up loved, confident, disciplined, teach him to control his impulses and not be upset because of stress in their daily lives.
If the child have difficulty with discipline, it is important to remember that this is directly from you regardless. All children are different and the type of temperament and level of development, which is why one technique of discipline can have positive effects in working with some kids, but not be effective in relation to your child.
You must understand that your behavior while disciplining the child determines the good or bad behavior in the future. If, after a long dispute with him, his tantrums, or a fit of anger, you give up, it could lead to a repetition of such a model command, with which he eventually gets his way. If you are adamant and consistent, the child will stop eventually fight with you in this way. However, some children feel like winners, even if they were able to postpone the execution unpleasant for them to do at least a few minutes.
Be consistent in the choice of methods of discipline and punishment of the child. This applies to all persons who look after the children. Children are used to verify the boundaries of what is permitted, and if you are consistent in their approval, you are encouraging their bad behavior.
What you need to know about the discipline
- Stay calm and do not lose control of himself, when a child misbehaves. Avoid yelling and screaming, otherwise the child will put his example of this behavior and will use it to get the desired. If you feel a growing anger, take a break to regain your balance.
- Avoid the generalized criticism. Make sure that the child understands that the cause of your frustration and sadness is his bad behavior, but you love it will always be.
- Do not praise a child too often. You do not have to constantly praise the child, especially in the performance of any ordinary job or your praise will be less effective.
- Do not focus on the negative all the time, especially if the positive trends can be traced behavior. It is much better to say, "I like that you folded my clothes" rather than "I love you for the first time, finally deigned to lay down their belongings, while you did not ask about it."
- Try not to use physical methods of punishment. Spanking has never been more effective than other forms of punishment, and besides, it hardens children, making them aggressive and irritable.
- Remember that it is important to praise and reward children for good behavior.
- Understand the difference between monetary rewards and bribes. Reward children are given after anything but the bribe - up to force the child to do what you want. Do not let children bribes.
- Serve your child a good example.
- The most important - is the emotional security of your baby, the environment in which he would feel safe and love.
Encouraging good behavior
The first step to improve the discipline - to learn how to encourage the good behavior of the child. It is much easier to reinforce good behavior than to try to change the bad. Here are some tips to encourage good behavior.
Reinforce good behavior of the child, offering him praise in return, he copes with the job or task, as well as Be positive interest and attention to it. Children are waiting for approval of their behavior, especially from their parents. The child must know that he is right, he observes that he did (or tried to do) what you want. Hug him, kiss, smile, if he behaves well, perform routine tasks without problems, or playing in the team according to the rules. It is also important to talk to children words of encouragement, such as "excellent work", "well done" or "I like it when you ...". Be sure to comment on specific actions and behavior.
Give your child a choice. This will allow him to feel their independence. For example, offer a choice: take out the trash or set the table.
Turn your good behavior in entertainment. Children with great zeal will do what will bring them pleasure. For example: "Let's see who can collect more toys around the room? ". Set the system to encourage good behavior.
How to improve discipline
- Be consistent in the choice of methods to improve the child's discipline and its methods of punishment (this applies to all who looked after children). The child must learn to understand that there are predictable consequences of his actions.
- Think ahead. Be prepared for the fact that you are going to do and say to help your child understand the consequences of his actions. Not just probormochite it or tell me the first thing that comes to mind. You are more likely to do harm to the situation, if not thought out plan in advance the discipline.
- Set for small children daily chore or duty that must be performed every day. This applies to meals, snacks, bathing and bedtime
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- Create a positive atmosphere that will encourage the child to study, but be able to protect him. For example, you can put locks on cabinets and lockers to protect a child who is just learning to walk.
- Set limits that will fit your child by age and development. Remember that you are in control, so you need to be prepared to sometimes say "no". You should also expect the child's response to a ban, such as crying. This is a normal expression of frustration at a young age, but because such behavior should be ignored. You also need to ignore the tantrums.
- Do not offer choices in situations where the child will have to agree with the usual rules. For example, instead of saying, "You want to take a bath? "You have to say" It's time to take a bath! "
- Do not give up when a child whines, cries, or in a fit of anger. If you do, then it will use this behavior to get their way.
- Learn to ignore the small, harmless and unimportant manifestations of disobedience, such as impatience.
- Immediately punish and encourage the child. Do not wait for a few minutes - during which time the child's behavior may change, and your reaction is already outdated.
- Do not repeat the instructions. It is necessary to give the command, and if it is not executed, you can repeat it again, but to say about the consequences of its failure. If the indication is still not satisfied, you need to go to the consequences. Do not repeat the task multiple times.
- Do not argue with your child about the punishment. Ignore any protest. You can talk about that later.
- Plan ahead. If you always have trouble in certain situations, such as a shopping trip or a reception, then make a plan of action in advance. The plan should include the expected child's actions and the consequences of his disobedience.
- Please act according to circumstances, especially with older children and teenagers. Listen and take into account some changes in the rules and forms of punishment proposed by the child.
- Speak about yourself, not about the child. For example, say, "I'm upset (a) that you have not cleaned in your room," instead of, "You upset me because it does not tidy up the room." Approvals starting the pronoun "you" may sound accusatory, and lead to a quarrel.
- After a disciplinary action is necessary to explain the rules of behavior - what exactly do you expect from a child, what exactly he behaved properly and how to behave in the next time.