First love is remembered for a lifetime, especially for girls. But for many of us these memories more than unpleasant. They chase us, and after graduation, prevent build normal relations with the opposite sex and to trust other people, because the first love often leaves painful marks not only the soul but also the body.

Perhaps in a few years your abuser himself will find you in a social network and will offer to add it to friends. He probably does not even know how much suffering you have caused. In his memory your relationships are perfect, he remembers only the good. He does not understand that behaved abominably, and when you tell him how she felt at the time, he experiences a shock. Now he will have to live with the knowledge that in your eyes, he was a monster.

Meanwhile, psychologists say that a similar relationship between teenagers - is not uncommon. Many boys see the close relationship quite differently than girls, they have a different idea of ​​the violence. First of all, the violence may not only be physical but also psychological. Violence may include a plurality of non-physical effects, some of which will surprise you.

In addition, victims of violence are not only girls, but boys. And behaviors that many young people consider normal, in fact it is not.

But do not become a victim of an unworthy and unacceptable behavior is not too difficult, and the degree of intimacy in relationships (dating you constantly, occasionally, make friends or just spend time together) and sexual orientation do not matter. Forewarned is forearmed. When you know what psychological abuse, can recognize its manifestations, a greater chance that the right time you will be able to oppose him, to protect themselves and others, and to avoid such problems in a mature relationship in the future.

Psychological partner violence among adolescents: what is it and when is happening?

According to statistics, each year about 9% of adolescents are victims of physical violence by a partner. But most of the violence among teens is not physical, but psychological.

The most common problems teens include:

• Emotional abuse - intentional insult to the feelings of another person, humiliation partner.
• Verbal abuse - shouting, swearing, threats, ridicule partner, his appearance, character or behavior.
• Control - continuous monitoring by phone, checking e-mail and social networks (including without informing women), filtering of social contacts (specify with whom she can meet and with whom - no) and so on.

In addition, a serious form of psychological violence is the pressure or coercion to sexual behavior of any kind (including kissing, viewing pornography, etc.).

Modern views

Unfortunately, psychological violence is so common that some teens may perceive it as normal. For example, recent studies have shown that young people are involved in sports, pay little attention to mistreatment during the sports season, and are less likely to intervene when witnessing such treatment. It's amazing how many teenagers - male and female - believe that a girl can lift a hand on a guy that is in order.

Remember the scandal with Chris Brown and Rihanna that resounded all over the world a few years ago? So, it turned out that many adolescents do not believe that in this situation was to blame solely Brown. According to them, some of the blame lies with Rihanna ("she is to blame"). The first reaction of many teenagers on the news of the singer's beating was the question "What did she do to bring him so? ", Which was followed by other, equally indicative questions:" What kind of woman she is ?! Why did she provoke him? ".

Teens can do offensive things for many reasons. Some grow up in an environment that requires a man tour de force that boys are sometimes confused with aggression or domination and control.

Sometimes teenagers adopt adult habits that seem to them an expression of love, but in fact it displays the control (for example, demand from girlfriends password for their accounts in Facebook). But the jealous and controlling behavior can be the first step towards physical violence. In addition, teens who do not see anything wrong in this behavior, friends, and likely do have a penchant for psychological and physical violence, or may become its victim.

Who is more difficult to raise: boys or girls? Do we need to have different methods of education, and what are their differences? Besides the obvious differences than boys differ from girls, and how these differences affect education? It's really difficult issues to which there are no simple unambiguous answers.

On the one hand, most of us know that many of our ideas about gender are formed under the influence of culture and society. Our knowledge of gender behavior gleaned from movies and television programs, from advertising, from friends and relatives. On the gender differences are literally screaming toys: boys - his, for girls - on your own. Even the colors have sex: pink for some reason it is considered the color of girls and blue is traditionally associated with boys.

Most of us also suspect that boys and girls do have differences that go beyond the social and cultural impact. What are these differences and how they affect education?

The brains of boys and girls

• There are significant differences between the brain of girls and boys:
• Brain men more.
• In the brain, women have more nerve fibers through which information flows from one hemisphere to the other.
• In men, the right matures faster, "figurative" hemisphere, women - left, "abstract logic."
• Women are more likely to use both hemispheres of the brain.

Gender differences are observed in approximately 80% of the population. The remaining 20% ​​have the same structure as the opposite sex.

These gender (sex) differences are explained by the inhomogeneous development of girls and boys: girls up to ten years better remember the numbers and solve logic problems, quickly and successfully master the speech. Boys from the smaller number of nerve fibers is more difficult to compare the information processed in the left and right hemispheres: in the thought processes selectively turn on either the left or right hemisphere. When meaningful words boys "turned on" the left hemisphere, the girls - both of them.

But these differences of structure and development of the brain has not yet determined the fate. As noted above, only one in five boys or girls show a "typical" for their gender behavior. But the study revealed a number of patterns and trends in the development of boys and girls. The girls tend to develop early language skills, in addition, they are better able to express their emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code   words. Girls are also used to begin to read and write. Boys, in turn, show early interest in spatial problems.

Features that do not depend on the sex of the child

Most of those who are raising children of different sexes, including strangers know that between boys and girls, there are differences. Some of these differences are due to the influence of cultural factors, but others are ordained by nature.

Taught high school certainly seen this feature: in scientific and technological circles are written mostly boys, and in art - girl. I wonder why this is happening? Why are boys so interested in science and technology? Courage inventors? The desire to grasp the secrets of the universe? Or the girl just shy recorded in such clubs, because science is considered to be a matter of a male, and the girls are not supposed to be interested in internal combustion engines, and poetry?

Yes, and whether girls in scientific circles, in the company of men? It is one thing - to recognize the cultural and biological differences between boys and girls. It is quite another - to allow these differences to run your life, imposing all sorts of restrictions. Of course, there are gender differences, but there are individual differences. In recognition of these differences and overcome them, children develop. If we do not expand the boundaries of the established floor, we encourage gender stereotypes. No one should feel restricted own sex.

Features of education of boys and girls

The boy's parents are often advised, "Gather plaster and green paint. They are very useful, "and parents of girls say:" Prepare for a daughter pink skirts and bows. " So manifest socio-cultural impact on gender identity. Shirts with the image of cars and footballs - for boys. Beautiful pink blouse with ruffles and sequins - for girls.

Our children are under social pressure from the first day of life. Parents should monitor these influences and try to resist them.

It is necessary to pay attention to one important aspect. The statement that "the other boys" can easily be interpreted differently by presenting the situation as being "defective" or worse, "are not capable of anything." Once these generalizations apply to the girls: "They will never succeed in science and technology", "They are too emotional to perform a responsible job." So please, take very seriously the following postulates:

• gender differences in mental activity virtually indistinguishable;
• Gender differences are only a tendency;
• Gender differences are not universal;
• we should not take gender differences as limitations.

Remember that even the most typical boy and girl is the typical - are unique, they have individual characteristics. In the end, the floor - only one of the characteristics of the person, and is not exhaustive. Gender determines the person no more than his temperament, ability, or appearance.