No one comes down the aisle with the idea of ​​divorce. This is a unique and romantic event often marred by reflections on litigation guardianship and financial issues. However, a divorce "cases" was then, when you least expect it. And misery is not only the couple but also the children who are afraid and do not know what to expect when their family is falling apart. So what can you do? When the divorce suddenly sneaked into your house, how can calm the children? How to protect their childhood as they respond to direct questions and in the end, to help them move on in life? It is not an easy task, but you can help your children gradually.

• Take care of yourself: as a single parent, it is important you have a couple of trusted friends, in which you can expect to establish for themselves the spatial framework and priorities.
• Help your child to calm down: listen to their fears, share their problems.
• Give children the opportunity to be children: the temptation to turn to the child for comfort, but it hurts the hearts of the young and the children grow up quickly.
• Be ready to direct questions: Be prepared that your child asks you a question that can hurt you deeply, but you should not give up. Take a deep breath, sit down together and talk heart to heart.
• Believe in the future: all single parents are worried about their child and, in particular, that the same fate may befall him. As soon as you calm the children, see that history need not be repeated.

Take care of yourself

Shortly after the divorce, the mother or father raising a child alone, find that their lives have changed, and peace in the house no longer exists. Sometimes the days when you do not want to live, and only felt tired.

Many people need peace of mind and the world need to acquire. At first, it seems an impossible task. But step by step, you will notice a change for the better. As you begin to control the main areas of your life, the world will come back to you.

Look for like-minded people

One option would be to visit the group therapy sessions, once or twice a week.

Another option could serve as conversations with other single parents. Together with other people experiencing the same feelings, a lot easier to deal with problems.

If you do not know how to find people like you, contact the psychological support or to the church (if you are religious), and ask it about a group of single parents. If such a group does not exist, create your own. Invite single parents attending your meeting in an informal setting a couple of times a month. So you can find a lot of friends who understand your suffering and will support you.

Do not neglect your needs

If you often fly a plane, you probably are familiar with the following statement: "If the cabin pressure began to fall, and you're flying with a child, the first thing put on the oxygen mask on yourself and then at him."

Such an approach is also applicable to single parents. If you relax a little, overdo or ill, the care of children is incredibly hard. You hardly worried day and just exist. You need to relax, eat and fully engaged in fitness.

Sometimes it is very difficult to find time to exercise, especially if you have a busy schedule, but will learn to combine playing with children and sports. Walk with the children for a walk, roller-skating, dance under the video. All this will allow you to avoid stress How to beat stress? Create an oasis   and deliver a lot of fun.

Learn to say "no"

In a world that is flying relentlessly forward, we sprayed all at once, and teach our children to this. If you take on too much, the risk of stress increases to the same tranquility you can not see. You must learn how to distribute classes between you and your children.

Many parents lead kids on basketball, and soccer, and piano lessons that tires of all family members. Individually, all of these classes are very useful, but if too many of them, fatigue takes its toll. Each member of the family need time to rest, so do not do not get carried away.

Watch out for the budget

To safely handle the finances, you need to control costs. Statistics warn that many families are suffering because of the extravagance.

If you give your child the opportunity to save money on the things he needed, both on the road and on everyday purchases, you will soon notice the effectiveness of this method of saving. Moreover, you will not hear the phrase, "Mommy, Mommy, please, please ...! "When your children save money, it will allow you to save about 40% on low-cost purchases and 50% - on the road. Moreover, the child will not be allowed to spend money on stuff until it collects a certain amount that they need.

Organize a family vacation

Without a doubt, single parents spend a lot of time with the kids, but it often happens that parents are busy at work, and the children spend time in the classroom, in shops or at home.

One embodiment of the union of all family members for one occupation - the introduction of a common family evening. So, every Thursday you can spend time together - playing your favorite games and have fun with the kids. If the weather is good, you can arrange a walk in the park. Time spent together strengthens family relationships.

Sorry ex-husband / wife

This is the most difficult task. If you want to find inner peace, you must forgive my father or mother of your children. Anger and unforgiveness "eat" you from the inside, and for a single parent is simply unacceptable.

Do you suffer every day and feel deprived of something important? Prioritize, choose exercises and practices that will help you change. Start slowly, with the most basic, and do not forget that everything is in your hands.

If the teacher calls home to complain about the child, both parents need to do ... take offense at teachers and suspect him of what he wants in this way to take revenge on a child for bad behavior? Immediately take the child? Do parents have to listen to the teacher and automatically assume that truth is on his side? Perhaps they really should listen to the words of the teacher. So, if your child's teacher is calling you home to report that your son (or daughter) and hurt other children misbehaving, do not rush to hang up.

Psychologists recommend parents whose child might be a bully, pay attention to the following signs of aggressive behavior: uncontrolled outbreak of rage and anger, discipline problems, lack of tolerance and total rejection of another point of view, rudeness, the expression of violence (for example, in graphic or written) , cruelty to animals, and a weak or helpless beings, destruction and broken things. These are just some of the manifestations of aggressive behavior.

But threats to the side of the teacher - this is a serious reason to pay attention to the behavior of the child, because they can lead to expulsion from school. For example, in the US alone the victims of threats and bullying children have 1, 3 million teachers. This is a serious problem that requires resolution at the state level. According to some reports, in Canada, victims of aggressive behavior of pupils are more than 40% of teachers. In Finland, intimidation and abuse by children and their parents subjected every fifth teacher and every third school director. In the UK, about 61% of secondary school teachers at least once heard from students threats and insults in his address, while 34% were subjected to "physical aggression". You agree that parents should not dismiss heard allegations that their child behaves aggressively.

Four steps to address the problem

Monitor a child watching television programs in which there is violence, websites. And do not forget about computer games

There is direct evidence that regular contact with cruelty, such as watching a video or computer games, makes a person insensitive to the pain of others. When children play a long time in various "shooter", the following can happen:

• Increased propensity to cruelty;
• Increased conflict and a willingness to open confrontation with peers and adults, including teachers;
• A desire to experience the reality of its power to other children;
• Deteriorating school performance;
• There is a tendency to aggressive behavior, as in computer games constantly repeated acts of violence, and the child is produced for them a kind of habit. As you know, repetition - one of the most effective methods of approval of mental schemes.

The interactive nature of computer games stimulate more aggression, as a child is an active participant in the events in the virtual world (while while watching TV programs or movies, he is a passive spectator and can not influence the course of events). In addition, the player's task - to win, and on the way to victory, to go to the next level, he will have to make a lot of violent acts.

Improve your parenting techniques

Most often bullies are themselves victims of violence and aggression of others, so for their own aggression is the only way of self-affirmation. In most cases, the source of the aggression is the family. Did you or other family members, too hard and cruel to the child? Perhaps you have been criticized all his actions and deeds? You use physical punishment to education? Or the child is not a victim and a witness of domestic violence? How often do in your home, loud quarrels and scandals with abuse and physical abuse? Often we are so accustomed to abnormal things that cease to notice them. Therefore, it is possible that the child's behavior correction to start with the correction methods of education.

Tighten control

How do you control a child? Do you know what he does in his spare time? Perhaps it is too much time for one or a computer. As a rule, children unattended parents often get into trouble in the period from three to six o'clock in the afternoon, when they come home from school, and parents have not returned to work. Try to limit your child's free time, load it with additional chores and responsibilities (for example, write it down in a circle or section). Also, try to spend more time with the child, and often invites his friends and acquaintances that his company has been on your mind.

Cooperate with the school, but do not fight with it

Spend more time in school and meet not only teachers, but also the director and head teachers. Discuss with them the problems (if any) and ask for help. Parents should understand that aggressive behavior can enter a child into the habit, and then the consequences will be very sad. Collaborate with teachers and principals better than to fight with them and blame each other for the one who "overlooked". This point is particularly important, because the family and the school must be united, that the child is not left loopholes. In addition, teachers have experience in dealing with such situations.

No one is immune from the fact that his child can become a bully and a bully. Parents should strive to prepare your child for the difficulties of adult life, to justice, not to protect and to shield it. Fenced child from the consequences of bad behavior, you cultivate it permissiveness that in the future may lead to serious problems.