How to protect the child from abuse and attacks

Parents in different ways trying to protect their children from the attacks of their peers. Some try to prepare children for life in the team, doing his physical development, accustoming him to independence and self-reliance, the other person stand up for his child. Unfortunately, these methods are more complicate than simplify the life of a child.

Parents should bring the child to the right decision, tell him how to lead to better themselves in a problem situation. Ask him: "Do you think that you can say and do when this situation persists? How better to do this to stop? ". Help your child to see the consequences of his words and deeds; tell him that the problem he can solve on its own.

For example, if the child is asked to answer the offender: "Leave me alone, asshole," is not worth it to him to prohibit or discourage. Just ask him, "How do you think will happen if you do so? ". Let the child alone will come to the conclusion that the name calling will only worsen the situation and lead to the escalation of the conflict.

If the child is shrug his shoulders and say, "I'll just run away." You can agree with your child - saved from pursuers in flight can be once or twice, but sooner or later still have to see the fear in his eyes, and the conversation is inevitable.

It is also important to ask the child how he would like to resolve this situation? What did he expect? But do not suggest the decision (you can only set the direction of thought) - the child himself must find a way out. He must know that self-invented what to do. If you give your child the opportunity to deal with their problems, he will learn to more effectively build relationships with their peers. In some cases, the child is useful to go through all the stages of the conflict with peers - this will help him to learn how to solve the many problems that will prevent it from many complexities in the future. But it is important not to miss a situation with which the child can not cope without interference from adults. If a child is not just a tease two or three classmates and regularly plague the whole class (mock him, hiding him or spoil things, bullied, pushed, beaten) without help from an adult he can not win.

What to do if the child does not admit that it hurt?

Most importantly, the child was a place where he felt safe. If you see that with a child that something is wrong, but he does not want to tell you what is happening to him, do not force it. This way you can further push him away - he would think that even homes are not protected against encroachments on his liberty. Maybe you should ask for help from the person to whom the child trusts, for example, older brother or sister, close friend or teacher. Straight talk is needed to understand the nature of the problem, but it should start a child.

When should you seek help in school?

When the conflict with classmates gained a serious scale, with a visit to the school is better not to delay. If the child once a week comes home and complains that he was being bullied, teased, humiliated and spoil things, wait until the end, and the lessons the children go home and go to school. Refer to the class teacher or head teacher. This question is better not to discuss on the phone and in person, which is better to prevent.

Warning for parents: As a rule, teachers are not aware of what is happening outside the classroom, and the fact that your child is being prosecuted or is the object of ridicule, often it turns out to be a complete surprise. Kids are smart enough to behave properly in the presence of a teacher. You should not immediately accuse the class teacher that he can not cope with their work, and to demand strict punishment for offenders of your child. Most likely, it is not in the indifference of the teacher, and that the children have learned to pretend.

Do not expect the school you will be welcomed with open arms, sympathize and say, "Oh, yeah, this is all happening right before our eyes." Tell the class teacher that the child comes home and tells how it hurt. And summarize: "Here's how this situation affects my child." The class teacher or teacher need to know, because what is obvious to you may not be evident for him. Ask him to continue to closely monitor the behavior of students.

You can also leave your teacher, phone number and e-mail address for feedback. If you hit a child not stopped or turned into persecution, you need to apply directly to the director. Immediately proceed to essentially say, "Last week I spoke to the class teacher, but my daughter is still complaining that her classmates persecuted. What do we do? "

To avoid delays, just ask when he could deal with the situation, and when you are able to see once again to discuss the results of its intervention. Find out what he's going to take. After returning home, you will be able to calm the child, said that until Thursday (for example) the director plans to talk to his offenders and bring their parents to the school. Ask teachers and directors to keep your conversation confidential - children are very afraid of the publicity and the fact that peers would consider them "sneak."

What to do when a child is threatened with physical violence?

If you find out that your child is threatened with physical violence, you can go to the police. There is a danger - we have the offense. But it is the extreme measures that should be used when nothing else helps. It is therefore important to intervene in time to it did not come to physical violence, because it is serious and affect not only the further a child's life, but the lives of his attackers.

It is difficult to convince a child that in school he is not in danger, especially if the threat is anonymous. For a child who has received anonymous threats, the school turns into an endless torture, because he expected an attack at any moment. A child can not concentrate on their studies, can not think of a math test when trying to figure out who threw him a note with a threat to beat. At this stage, the situation becomes critical.

You can contact the teachers to understand what is happening in the school, but their help is not worth much to expect. Parents will need to make a difficult decision: if the author of threats and will not be found, it is possible that the child will have to transfer to another school.

As the child can protect themselves against the attacks of their peers?

Talking to your child about the conflict situation, explain to him that aggressive behavior - a sign of weakness and cowardice. Bullies rarely act alone or attack a few guys - they choose a victim who can not fight back. Humiliating and harassing the weaker, they assert themselves at his expense.

Parents can teach a child to some of the methods of psychological defense, which will help him cope with peer attacks. For example, teach him not to yield to provocations. Explain to your child that he can and should be able to refuse a peer if it is unpleasant, or do not want to do something. If you expect that the child will be teased because of appearance or unusual names, you can advance to discuss it with him. Prepare the child for life in a group can be acting out scenes showing him the kinds of aggression (name-calling, fighting, taking away things) and forcing a child to defend himself. This will allow your child to work out the tactics to prepare for an attack, supporting the most acceptable way out of the conflict. Both boys and girls are useful to fight with their parents: and win and take a beating.

Teach your child to change tactics behavior. Get familiar with the typical child conflict with peers. Typically, a child behaves in a predetermined pattern around, his every action is predictable - in this special joy for pursuers. Offer him the next time to react to unexpected circumstances the standard for the way the teaser, you may be able to not only the stump of his pursuers, but take a step to overcome the current situation. They may also try to change the tactics of behavior. Adult intervention will be necessary if offenders move on to more serious actions. But the main and most reliable protection for the child is self-esteem and self-confidence, and parental love and support - the most reliable allies in this way.