"I am a victim, so the rules do not apply to me" or to wean the child from thinking of victim - Cultivate the responsibility
May 15, 2012
- "I am a victim, so the rules do not apply to me" or to wean the child from thinking of victim
- Cultivate the responsibility
Cultivate the responsibility - a method of combating viktivnym thinking
Psychologists recommend parents to develop a family so-called "culture of responsibility": no matter what happens in the outside world, in your home there is a culture of responsibility, rather than a culture of thinking errors. Therefore, the accusations, excuses, explanations do not place in the well-organized structure of domestic life: everyone has their responsibilities at home, everyone should respect the other family members to do their job (or classes) and not try to shirk responsibility.
In order to create a culture of responsibility at home, parents must clearly give the child to understand what is important in life, to give him life values and priorities. Of course, parents should live according to the principles established by them. So if you think that everyone should be held accountable for their actions, not only do you have to say about this child, but by example to show him that you are taking their responsibilities seriously. Only then will you be able to demand the same from your child.
If you value honesty, do not lie and do not try to manipulate the child. If you value the trust to be honest about what you are doing. Claim your child: "In this house valued honesty and responsibility, and we will always remember it."
In the outside world your child is exposed to a thousand temptations and temptations, but when he comes home, he must obey the rules you set and stick to your values. Parents cultivate responsibility by defining the borders and to promote compliance with those limits, as well as punishment for trying to justify their violation. Parents should also talk more about responsibility and discuss with your child's behavior in order to avoid repetition in the future. Remember that kid in your house is responsible for their behavior in front of you.
The child may be a victim only with the consent of the parents
The truth is that the child may be a victim only when you allow it to him. In order that the child was the victim, his parents should take an excuse or relieve him of responsibility for the behavior. To avoid this, try to argue the child as follows:
- "You want to say that her sister had called bad names because it is on you not look? "
- "Excuses do not spare you from having to do the dishes and clean the room. You still have to do it. "
- "Can you blame any number of teachers, you still have to do my homework."
This is a very powerful tool in the arsenal of the parents. Note the last example: rather than argue or defend teachers as so many parents simply say, "It seems as if you blame the teacher in his reluctance to do his homework." So you tell your child to make a mistake of thinking. "Blaming teachers will not solve your problem, and you still have to prepare homework," - that is the correct answer to the objection of the child.
Here's an example of a conversation with your child when you found out that he did not prepare homework:
- You: "Your teacher contacted me and said that you were not ready for a week for a lesson."
- Child: "You know, this teacher always finds fault with me. He never explained what we should do, and then expect that someone will be ready for the lesson. "
- You: "It looks like you want to put the blame on teachers blame for something that does not do their homework."
- Child: "And I really do not blame! I'm telling you, he is a jerk. "
- You: "Now we are not talking about who is to blame. We're talking about your duty to prepare homework and hand it over. You can not just not do it, and then lay the blame on teachers. "
Do not accept the child victim of other people or circumstances, or he will get used to this state of affairs, and will not take responsibility for anything.
When the victimization of thinking becomes a habit
It is important to suppress a child's susceptibility to victimization thinking, if you do not want the error of thinking came from his habit and become a way of life. For several years, American scientists conducted a study with the participation of prisoners to penitentiary institutions in California.
So, this study has shown that prisoners serving a second or third time (that is, people periodically returning to prison), consider themselves to be a victim: a victim of a poor and difficult childhood, a victim of society, poor education, victim of circumstances. The fact that this kind of thinking does not allow them to take responsibility for what happens in their lives; so they can not change their anti-social behavior, citing the fact that "everything will be still."
If you feel like a victim, you will always find a way to be a victim. Do not let a child, especially a teenager, to be a victim, and allow other errors of thinking.
How to raise a woman among the boys - Positive aspects
May 30, 2012
- How to raise a woman among boys
- Positive aspects
Positive aspects of raising a girl in the company of men
In fact, to be the only girl in a male environment, there are some "pluses". Women who have grown up boys, understand men better than women, whose childhood was surrounded by other women - sisters, aunts, grandmothers. Next to the men they feel comfortable and are able to talk to them in their language. So the girls had to urgently pass the course "How to learn to understand man", because they had no choice, they communicated from childhood and learned to get along with the boys with different characters. Man long ago ceased to be a mystery to them. Later, when the girl grows up and becomes a woman, it is much easier to build relationships with the opposite sex.
Educating the only girl among the boys is accompanied by a rather interesting (to say) dynamics. The wise parent will be able to draw the distinction between sons and daughters to their advantage, using them to form the female character, the rich man's influence. Eventually, the brothers - the first men surrounded the girl, whose love and the recognition it receives. They will have a huge impact on the development of her personality, the views on men in general. Brothers teach a girl to talk, find a common language and to negotiate with the boys. Communicating with the brothers, she will learn not to give in to their jokes and provocations master priceless ability to fend for themselves even in a situation of male dominance. And in all likelihood, the brothers become the first boy she will love.
Lady - who is she?
It is impossible to become a woman overnight; It is a long and laborious process that requires time and patience. Lady - an educated, erudite and educated woman who respects himself and others. It is not rude, not rude and not condemn. Contrary to popular belief, the lady - the lady is not modeling appearance in designer clothes who sits straight and indifferent smiles, sipping tea. Lady watches the news about politics and culture, is aware of the problems of the world and not only reads the glossy magazines, but also classical literature, such as "War and Peace" or the novels of Jane Austen.
Differences between boys and girls
The researchers found that kids are becoming aware of gender differences at the age of about one year, and from that moment on this topic become for them a source of endless wonder and an object of curiosity. For three years in the behavior of children is obvious gender orientation: girls tend to become less aggressive and start to play with dolls and other "girly toys", while boys are included in the more rough physical play, and play with toy cars and toy soldiers.
Differences between boys and girls in the first years of life may appear quite unusual and interesting. While boys tend to be more risky than girls, the latter develop faster: before beginning to speak, read and write. In addition, they are ahead of the boys and for the development of communication skills and ability to concentrate. It is understandable why the girls think that the world belongs to them.
These changes may cause you to panic if you are aiming to educate children, not imposing gender roles. If you feel that you have failed as a parent because my daughter plays with dolls around the clock, and the son refuses to take over the "girly" toys, making an exception only for the designer "Lego", do not blame yourself. In the end, this behavior is typical for children.
- the education of children of different sexes