Jealousy: rules of survival

November 7, 2013

 What is jealousy? Many believe that it is necessarily accompanied by a feeling of love. For others, jealousy has nothing to do with love. In any event, the manifestation of this strong negative emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code  Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code
 As a rule, very spoiled life as someone who is jealous, and to someone jealous. How to get rid of jealousy and survive near jealous?


What is jealousy

Jealousy is familiar, perhaps, to everyone. Psychologists say that this negative feeling comes first love. For example, young children are mostly very jealous. They frankly admit that they want to make the world revolves around them, and strongly opposed the birth of siblings. A great place is jealousy in a relationship as a couple.

In fact, jealousy - a claim to the right to fully enjoy some man. Jealous people are very difficult to survive if their beloved paying attention to somebody else. Interestingly, many jealous do not need proof of treason: they come from their own feelings of lack of love, respect and sympathy.

Jealousy is rarely produces positive effect: people "feel in good shape" and tries to prove that he is better than the opponent. However, more often jealousy destroys relationships: feeling agonizing for jealous, and for his loved one.


The devastating effects

Sometimes jealousy can make painful form. Brad jealousy - a condition where a man obsessed with the idea that he had changed. It is a mental disorder usually occurs in men over forty years, often - against the background of alcohol abuse or sexual problems. Painful jealous husband does not listen to any arguments and ignores the evidence of loyalty to his wife; it may frequently be aggressive. This disorder should be treated by a psychiatrist because the patient may be socially dangerous.

Even ordinary jealous can be dangerous to others: first of all - for the object of his jealousy, and actual or potential competitor or rival. Jealousy - one of the most common motives for murder. Interestingly, women more often aggression is directed at an opponent, while the men are accused of betraying his unfaithful lover. Some jealous of anything not blame his half - instead, they are immersed into a depression Depression - a little more than a bad mood  Depression - a little more than a bad mood
   or even commit suicide Suicide in terms of the psychiatrist - can it be prevented?  Suicide in terms of the psychiatrist - can it be prevented?


Methods to get rid of jealousy

St. Augustine once said that there is no love without jealousy, and millions of people believe this statement. But even La Rochefoucauld argued that only one percent of jealousy and love ninety-nine percent of self-love. Honore de Balzac wrote that jealousy - a mixture of pride, selfishness and vanity. Modern psychologists are inclined to the view that jealousy - a child of uncertainty. The higher the self-esteem of man than he is confident in yourself - the less he fears loss and the less jealous.

The more love in the human heart, the less we have to place for fear and jealousy. Working on yourself will help get rid of these unpleasant feelings. There are special techniques to enhance self-esteem, and if you are constantly engaged in self-development, the results are not long in coming: self-confidence required to increase, and therefore the fears go away.

Sometimes jealousy is based on affection, excessive dependence on a partner. In this case, not enough work to increase self-esteem, you also need to acquire independence and learn to self-sufficiency, is gradually moving away from a partner. Many believe that such distancing is the end of love, but it is not so. True love can only occur between free people who are united and not fear of being alone is not able to meet the expense of a partner some needs, but only the desire to make a loved one happy. The relationship is based on the emotional dependence of one partner by the other, can not be called healthy. In order to harmonize such relations should refer to specialists.


When jealousy is justified

Living with the wrong partner - a serious test. And although in some societies to infidelity (especially men) are quite tolerant, the knowledge that a loved one gives love to someone else, quite painful. In this situation, jealousy entirely justified, but it does not have the feeling pleasant and constructive.

What to do in such a situation? You can leave the wrong partner. You can change your attitude to infidelity as such, that is, to recognize the right to a favorite infidelity. You can try to do something about the relationship and "save" them with a psychologist or independently. The only thing in this situation should not do - so this is tormented by pangs of jealousy.


How to survive a jealous?

If the relationship is just beginning, and the loved one is constantly jealous - this is a serious reason to think about whether to continue the relationship. Communicate with diffident man is not easy at all, and to communicate with aggressive jealous even harder. The simple solution - do not give cause for jealousy, but it does not always work: sometimes jealous people sincerely worry due to past and even the future of hypothetical changes and do not need any additional occasions.

How to behave better?

  • It is not necessary to confess infidelity even as a joke;
  • It is desirable as often as possible to talk to the partner about his love and what was amazing;
  • You can try to behave in the same way as a partner, for example, constantly phoning him on the phone to control. It may seem absurd jealous of his actions or more will distract him - he will be justified, and not to prosecute;
  • Keep in mind that typically exhibit jealousy those who he is wrong - in reality or in dreams;
  • If jealousy only intensified over the years, you should consider the need for family therapy.

Maria Bykov

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  • jealousy

The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

January 15, 2009

  • The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?
  • Peers

 The age difference between spouses
   Usually, the ideal age difference between partners or spouses is considered 3-5 years or less. The age difference between partners of 10 years or more can be a significant problem relations. Even if you are both free-men, stereotypes can live in the minds of your loved ones. To the age difference did not interfere with love, you need to follow a few relatively simple rules.

 The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

Be honest with each other

First of all, do not deny the existence of problems. Recognize that age difference matters.

If one of you wants children and the other - no (because they he or she already has, or because it is a conscious decision for a long time), discuss it directly. In addition, it is necessary in advance to keep in mind that the partner who is much older than you, in a few years can become almost helpless. If you are not ready to assume the role of caregivers, talk about it directly. It is not cruel, but honestly - and in fact has long been known that a good relationship can only be built on honesty.

 The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

Be prepared for the reaction of the family

No matter how you free of stereotypes, your family members may be guided by a more traditional views about life. Many people are not ready just loyal to the relationship in which one partner is much older than the other - especially if your partner is almost the same age your parents. Tell them about your relationship, not in the expectation that they will be happy and congratulate you. In the future, everything will depend on you - your family will be happy if you're happy.

 The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

Sex: consider the needs and opportunities

It is necessary at the outset to understand that if a man in a pair of much older women, sex can be difficult. As a general rule, although there are exceptions, it is difficult to meet the needs of a man much younger partner due to natural aging changes.

To overcome this difficulty, it is necessary to speak directly to each other about what you want and what you are missing. There is nothing to be ashamed of as peers in pairs and sexual life does not always satisfy both partners. Perhaps, for you will be the release of a healthy way of life, or any drugs that improve the potency and variety of experiments in the sexual sphere.

 The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

Learn to ignore not prejudice

"She needed his money," "it's a little wiser and find a younger woman" - is the most lenient opinion that many people take out a pair with a noticeable difference in age. Be prepared not to take offense at questions like, "Is that your dad? "Or" Is that your son? ". Do not waste too much energy trying to convince colleagues and girlfriends that you feel good with a loved one, no matter what. True friends will understand this, and so, what to do with the unreal - you decide.

 The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

Find out their reasons

Why do you want to be with this person? Because of him? Because of his age and social status? Or because of something else? If you have always attracted people much older or younger than you, you may want to consult a psychologist. By itself, the age difference is not a problem, but if the identity of the partner for you relegated to the background, you need professional help.

 The age difference between spouses: what is optimal?

Look for common interests and hobbies

Actor Alex Baldwin, who is now more than 50 years, said: "What could be worse than waking up next to a woman twenty-five years? I want to fall somewhere, because she absolutely nothing to say. "

The lack of common interests, in order to talk, too much difference in the intellectual development of relations with partners a large age difference can be devastating than the potency problems or misunderstanding of the family. Therefore, no need to wait until your conversations start to consist almost entirely of awkward pauses. From the beginning, the relationship to do something together - photography, horseback riding, growing cacti and so on.

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