Unacceptable sexual exposure - abnormalities

For children under the age of eleven years, any form of sexual exposure is unacceptable, especially for children under ten years. These impacts include:

• Any form of sexual interaction with young people and adults (including talking about sex);
• viewing sexually explicit material;
• surveillance (even unintentional) for sexual interaction between adults, adolescents and other children;
• overreliance sexual play with peers or older children who have more extensive knowledge in the field of sex.
• any situation in which the child looks at the materials explicit content outside the context of an educational talk with their parents or a qualified technician.

Abnormal behavior

Children can respond to sexual exposure as follows:

• show premature development, which is reflected in the relevant acts, gestures, use of specific expressions and so on;
• regularly engage in sexual play with peers or younger children;
• engage in obsessive self-gratification or to be concerned by such actions;
• to perform sexual acts in public places;
• take an interest in close contact with adults, older children, teenagers, or animals, and try to install it;
• take an interest in close contact with people of your gender, younger children, and try to install it;
• molest other children, especially the youngest.

Signs of sexual development

Psychologists who specialize in the development of children, allocate a number of features that can detect violations of sexual development in children under the age of twelve years:

• children should not be fixated on sex game, they should be interested in a variety of other activities and games;
• children should not engage in such a game with someone who is much younger or older than them;
• children should not know about sex more than normal at their age;
• sexual behavior and interests of the child should be similar to the behavior and interests of his peers;
• children should not feel the "craving" to perform sexual acts, they must be able at any time to stop at the first request Adults;
• game involving a child should not cause dissatisfaction, irritation, embarrassment, fear, or other negative emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code   other children should not give them to the child or a physical or emotional discomfort;
• children should not be given to a sexual connotation relationships with their peers, as well as see the other sexual objects;
• Children aged four years and older need to understand the rules and boundaries of other children in the games;
• children should not feel fear, shame or guilt in such games;
• child should not engage with other children "adult" games;
• the child's sexual behavior should not be focused on older children or adults;
• children should not engage in such play with the animals;
• Children should not use such games to offend or hurt others;
• the child should not be used bribery, threats or force to get other kids to participate in this game.

There are many excellent books and other literature, which tells about the healthy sexual development of children and adolescents. Parents who have questions about the child's behavior, should carefully study this subject in order to be prepared for possible problems of sexual development.

Joint education of the child after divorce

Divorced parents should restrain anger, and not interfere with each other for the sake of the child. Parents after the divorce should at least contain the anger and work together to find a compromise in the upbringing of children. Ideally, they should develop common rules and behaviors for the children in the homes of each other.

Most parents could hardly restrain anger, and cooperation and say nothing. Meanwhile, a compromise is necessary.

Opinions about the differences between the parents after the divorce, the eyes of their children.

• Julia, 12 years old, complained to the psychologist, that she could not invite both parents to the concert, which is involved because at the meeting they will quarrel. After the last meeting of their mom did not talk to Julia for two days, as the father brought the concert his new wife (Nina). The mother refused to be in the same room with them and left. Julia bothered to invite the parents take turns, because she sees their disappointment and shame, if one of them can come to the concert, and the other - no. "Why can not they put aside their differences and spend a couple of hours in the same room? "- Good question, is not it?
• Parents Sergei, 9 years old, for example, use it as an intermediary, passing each other wishes and messages, one of them - to convey to his father, that he brought and drove Sergei elsewhere during their weekly meetings. Sergei could not refuse his mother, because he wants to meet with his father.

In both cases, the parents had to bear the emotional burden of divorce, because the parents could not settle the existing contradictions between them and behave as befits an adult.

Effective solution for the parents of Julia would be constructive conversation without quarrels and disputes, as a result of which they were able to see. Sergei would be happy if his parents coordinated their plans without him.

The main thing is to come to the decision that would allow children to be children, and parents to be adults.

Top tips for parents are divorced

• Stick to the goal

Collaborate with former husband / wife is very hard, especially if you do not give them a chance. At some point, many are not able to give a second chance to the second half of the former. They are looking for evidence that the former (or former) remained the same as was - unworthy of trust.

Do whatever you can to find a common language, perhaps, life has changed your former spouse (the spouse). The researchers concluded that divorced parents often do not recognize the facts but are able to agree, if they convince the opposite. They also do everything in their power to improve the lives of their children. Therefore, you must remember that children grow and change, it means that adults too are subject to change.

• If necessary, go to the business as a business project

Many former wife have learned to cope with the difficulties in the relationship. Some pre-recorded questions for discussion, and then to discuss them on the phone. Other meetings and avoid direct contact by sending letters and messages. Kind of negotiation does not matter - important business approach to it. Do not go to the person looking for a win-win for everyone, especially for children, decision.

If your education is associated with the business, it will be easier. For example, one business approach - to find common interests. If you do not agree with the former spouse, pretend to agree - to listen to the end. For example: "You are right, for our child car will be a great gift, but is it really worth it now? Maybe we should wait, let it earn good grades? ... "If that does not work, drag the time, do not swear, and try to calmly discuss the differences.

Before former spouses should be one goal - to facilitate your child get used to the new state of things, because now he will have to live "in the two houses."

Cooperation between parents: manual

The following guidelines will help the child to adapt to life "in the two houses." And remember that you are responsible for the actual situation and make it contribute. Cooperate, even assuming that the fault lies in your past former partner.

• Make an effort to respect the other parent and his house. You agree that everyone has the right to privacy and privacy, so do not interfere in the life of the former husband / wife. If you have any comments about the methods of education, do not discuss them with the child and the other parent. Do not meddle in the lives of others with their terms and conditions, appointments and decisions.
• Once a month (or more often) to arrange meetings to discuss issues of child rearing Raising a child: who will win? . At this meeting you can discuss the schedule of communication with the child, meet his success in school, physical and emotional development. Do not discuss your personal life - is unnecessary. If the conversation moved from the topic of children, politely return to it or end the meeting. If you can not communicate face-to-face - use e-mail, phone. Do your best to negotiate, because it concerns your child.
• Never ask the child to spy or report. Such requests may lead to emotional disorders. If a child is like a friend's house, hear and be glad for them together.
• If a child carries a grudge against your ex-husband, do not aggravate the situation. Listen to your child and help to understand the feelings of not interfering in the showdown. If nothing good to say you can not, better not say anything.
• The child should have everything he needs in both houses. Do not force him to carry the necessary things there and back; it does not concern favorite toys and clothing.
• Try to be hospitable and do not force the child to feel hostility. Manipulate the child is much easier if one parent is not willing to cooperate.
• Do not disappoint the child and do not break promises. Do what you say, stick to the schedule of meetings and keep the interest in his life.
• Follow the terms of custody, even if you disagree with them. Prevent the second side of the troubles that occurred with the child about his being late or changing schedules.
• If you plan to invite a nanny, first to notify the other parent, maybe he wants to sit down with the child.
• Insist that the child carried a toy, because it helps them to adapt to new conditions.

For children who spend little time in another house:

• Sometimes you want to do something special when all the children in the collection, but it can make others feel inferior.
• The lives of children living with you must not change dramatically during the visits of your other children.
• Do not hand out toys without the permission of those to whom they belong.

Help children adapt to new conditions, when they are visiting the other parent.

• If children are going to rest with the other parent, find out travel plans. Help collect.
• Inform the other parent about the changes that occur with the child: how to change his taste in music, clothes, style, taste preferences, as well as the emotional state of the child. Suppose that in the other house are aware of these changes before the arrival of the child.