How to deal with difficult people and keep the mind: useful tips

May 24, 2012

  • How to deal with difficult people and keep the mind: useful tips
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 how to deal with difficult people and stay sane tips
 No doubt you consider yourself a patient man. Believes that in the confrontation with other, less pleasant and patient people, you always keep Olympian calm. We are confident that the negative emotions you just do not stick, roll off "like water off a duck." Unfortunately, this illusion is quickly fading away under the influence of the actual circumstances, when you are confronted with another unpleasant type, who seems determined to deprive you of reason.

Imagine this situation: you have an appointment with a friend (we'll call her Natasha), which should be waiting for you in the cafe at lunchtime. You know that Natasha is often late, so do not rush too much. But suddenly it seems that this time Natasha is punctual and you take your time struggling to be in the cafe at the time.

But Natasha's nowhere to be found, it has not come yet. You take a deep breath, glad that now you finally have time to sit back and relax - you've been dreaming about this all week. But this blissful state only lasts four minutes. Already at 12:08 you call Natasha on cell, fearing that gave her the wrong address. Natasha did not answer. Ten minutes later, when you do not know what to think, it comes with a radiant smile and do not even think to apologize for being late.

"Oh, well, do not be angry with me. You know I'm always late, - she throws a greeting. - This much I have. It's part of my personality. And then, unless you were interested passers-by stare at? ". And then you feel like you are waking up in a mad dog. Worst of all, that in this situation violated your emotional balance. To calm down and begin to enjoy intercourse with Natasha, you need at least fifteen minutes.

People like Natasha, everywhere - in your home (maybe even in your beds), in the office, at the gym. They may be strangers with whom you encounter on the street or on public transport. What makes them difficult and sometimes unbearable to communicate? Whether it's a serious character flaw - the desire to constantly please and agree with everything, optionally, selfishness and indifference to others or chronic pessimism - or just a strange quirk unpleasant to you personally, even the occasional chat with people like that bring you into a frenzy or spoil the mood for the whole day .

Do not bother coming up with complicated schemes to avoid someone - a paradigm change your relationship with that person. Use the following strategies to once and for all stop the emotional tug of war.


You - the main character in the novel of your life

Psychologists are sure to change the pattern of interaction with the people, you must first change its attitude towards these people. This requires self-examination.

According to one theory, we annoy people who are peculiar to our own features, especially those that we seek a crush who are ashamed. Or people that cause us unwanted emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code  Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code
 . We look at a person like in the mirror, and the reflection we do not like, and hence irritation, anger and aggression. Ask yourself: what people like me? Why is it so enrages me? For example, in dealing with optional people appear not the most attractive traits - short temper and impatience. When your girlfriend is once again late for a meeting, think about it - maybe it will keep you from making rash and irritation.

If you are irritated by a close friend or lover, think about your own behavior and the role that you play in these respects. Perhaps you yourself have painted themselves into this emotional impasse when, instead of "no" say "yes"? Maybe you do not believe your instincts when it tells you that your relationship will not develop? If you do not learn how to analyze their own behavior and actions, without exception, others will cause you irritation. By placing another person all the blame for the situation, you pass him full control over the situation, and volunteer yourself as a victim.

Looking at the root of your problem, identifying its root cause, you will be able to successfully resolve a difficult situation. Here's an example from a life: a woman psychologist (let's call her Larissa) said that her mother in law is constantly interfered in the life of a son and a daughter, took care of them. Then Larissa wondered why the behavior in-law In-law - a survival strategy  In-law - a survival strategy
   so its annoying and I knew when she was 12, her mother had a stroke Stroke - a serious brain injury  Stroke - a serious brain injury
 , And Larissa was deprived of maternal attention and care. When she understood that constant interference in-law - just a manifestation of love for his son, their relationship will improve.


Sign position

In most cases, the desire "difficult people" is simply at odds with our own, and that makes us sharp rejection. Or else they are living, they have a different outlook and principles.

Is it any wonder that our "opponents" we, too, can be "difficult person" communication which does not give him any pleasure? Thus, the difference of perception of the world: too friendly extroverts, for example, on good terms with businesslike phlegmatic secretive and introverted (and vice versa). The same can be said about frivolous adventure lovers and workaholics. Try to understand and accept these differences - it will help you keep irritation.

If you just can not get into the position of a man who sympathize with, try to analyze his behavior. This strategy has proven effective for Galina. Galina's girlfriend, Dina, was very inattentive to others, and it totally did not listen.

"Whenever I talk about my personal problems as Dean again turned the conversation to himself. From another friend I found out that some people pathologically lacking attention. It's just about Dean. Since then, at a meeting I always hugged Dean patted her on the back. And it just became a different person: careful, more open. Over time, she became interested in how my case, not the conversation to himself ", - says Galina.


Select the line of conduct

Now that you are armed with knowledge about the causes of your emotional inconsistencies with the person you need to decide how you will carry with him. In general, to discuss this problem is only possible with a very close friend, for example, a husband or a friend. It is not necessary to take any special measures when you meet with this person once a month (this may be a relative of the husband or the head). When it comes to all strangers, for example, a saleswoman in a store, which ignores you, talking on a cell phone, then here you need a completely different strategy behavior.

You can not even talk to this person, if you know that the conversation would be useless or misunderstood. It did just that Galina: "I have never discussed this issue with Dina because she is always in the conversation took a defensive position. I knew that I could save our friendship, only to change their behavior. " To understand, you should raise the delicate topic, or not, ask yourself: Is this talk will survive our relationship? Imagine the worst outcome of the conversation - are you ready for it? If you are sure that the conversation, whatever it is over, will not affect your friendship, it's time for candor. If even a little doubt, use less direct tactics.