Middle children often get lost in the struggle between the older and younger, so they often behave provocatively and provocative just to attract the attention of parents. At the other extreme - complete submission and obedience - not to deceive you. After some time, this will result in obedience to revolt, to tame that will be very difficult. Parents can help a few tips regarding the education of their outgoing, naughty (or resigned), cheerful and curious middle child.

Take the time to explain

To the average child does not have to be jealous younger (pets) or senior (proud parents) children should not just give him more attention, and take it for what it is - along with its errors, errors and defeats. If your average child made a mistake and deserves punishment, it should be emphasized that the sentence has nothing to do with his bratmi-sisters, and only applies to him. Most repeat that there are other children in your family does not change your love for him. Explain the reason for the punishment the average child is especially important, because it can not determine their place in the family.

"The first - the test sample, the second - is brilliant ..."

This teaser can often be heard on the playground, and, given the nature rebellious middle child (their rebellion - a way to divert attention from the parents of other children in the family), we can assume that it just cries out "middling."

According to child psychologists, middle children often go to extremes to attract the attention of others - dyed hair in a purple color, go to the youth subculture or become ardent fans of rock bands. All this is done with one purpose - to literally "find himself", to find identity. One way to prevent this behavior - to give the child more time and attention to the need for rebellion and no longer sought to prove the child is not his parents, that he was also there. Most praise him for his beautifully painted watercolor - and he will be less temptation izrisoval graffiti wall in the living room.

Mission - peacemaker

But the presence of other children in the family may be a beneficial effect on the character of the middle child - he grows quiet and a child gets used to act as a peacemaker, settling conflicts between older and younger. The eldest daughter announces that colored pencils are hers, and flatly refuses to share? The situation will settle the middle child. Psychologists explain peacekeeping nature middle child so that they can not tolerate anger and aggression, so use logic to resolve conflicts. Of course, a symbolic smoke the pipe of peace - a great idea, but watch out for, so that the average child is not trampled in the heat of the dispute. Remember to be a peacemaker and play the role of the referee - the duty of the parents, not one of the children.

Find the time for baby

Psychologists strongly recommend that parents listen to the average child. For example, you can ask him that it is better to cook for dinner, or wherever you need to go at the weekend. Be interested in his life and often try to spend time with him. For example, you can pre-plan a joint trip to the cinema or a museum (just you and it), and the child will look forward to that day. Paying attention and time the average child, you show him that he is important to you, it is not less important than other children.

Praise the child and strongly emphasizes his success

Many parents perceive the achievements of the second (or third, fourth) child as a matter of course - after the success of their first-born can not be surprised. Meanwhile, the child is very important for parents to praise or even recognition of his success. Try to always pay attention to others successes and achievements of the average child, emphasizing what it clever and well done.

Cultivate differences

Your eldest son is able to correctly write any word, and wins prizes in school competitions? Do not try to force the child to repeat the way the average older and do not put it up as an example - this may give rise to a feeling of inferiority and hostility. Cultivate personality, let your second child find its own niche - maybe he had a penchant for art or sports. Moreover, psychologists claim that the Middle children often resort to creativity, to find a unique place in the family, especially if the older child is already in school and get good grades.

Be open to communication

Ideally, all parents should be able to read their children as an open book. Unfortunately, very few adults can distinguish pout, "I'm hungry! "By grimaces," I hurt with you! ". Remember, even if the average child is silent, and did not betray his feelings, he may suffer from your neglect. Therefore, parents should talk with your child, explain to him that it is difficult to give all children equal attention. Say, "We are with the Pope is difficult to keep track of everything: your big brother will soon go to school, and younger sister still quite small, and it needs constant supervision. If you feel that we do not pay attention to you, come to us and frankly about it. "

Do not let the child continue wearing things older

Well, in some cases it is possible to make an exception, but turn the wearing out of things for seniors in any case should not become the rule. All the main important thing for a child (jeans, jacket, sweater), you should buy for him, with his participation. To the average child did not feel secondary, endowed him with special privileges, for example, allow to select and watch a movie without interference from other children and adults.

More often take pictures of the child

The most important thing - take care to family photos on the average child is not lost among the others. Do not let him fall prey to stereotypes when family album full of pictures of the eldest son or daughter from all angles, and the second child is flashed somewhere in the background, like a poor relative. Be sure to take a few individual portraits of middle child - he must know that the parents see it as a personality.

Do not rush to grasp at the "soap", if your child uses a "dirty" word. But how to behave, if a son or daughter statements cause a shock?

Child and curses

• You: "Why you did not (a) lessons? "
• Your child: "I hate this *** school. I can not stand *** teacher, he *** ".
• You: "Do not you dare talk to me like that! "
• Your child: "Why? You, too, swear. "

Stop. This scene should be stopped immediately. You can see what your child is seeking? He's trying to provoke you into a fight. When a child uses abusive or obscene language, the main thing for parents - to keep self-control and to resist the temptation to respond to his provocations. In this situation, my mother or father should say: "We are not talking about me, but about you. Why did not you learned? I forbid you to use your mobile phone for as long as you do not do the lessons. " After that you should turn around and walk away without engaging in discussion, making it clear that the conversation was over.

If the child says, "Well, do not care", you should not take positions. Say: "Your business. You may not care as much as you, but you do not use a mobile, lessons until you do. " It is not necessary to enter into a dispute with a child in an attempt to assert his authority and parental rights. Later, when the child is calm, you can punish him for the use of swear words. Parents should be able to recognize when a child is using swear words, to give vent to emotions, but when he does it intentionally to cause irritation in adults or hurt them. Punishment depends on why and for what purpose the child uses the mat and curses.

Notes: If the child is foul language in your address, he wants to hurt you, to get you off balance, make a dent in your self-control, or to provoke you into a scandal. Every family must have clear rules regarding the use of swear words to be followed by all, and, above all, themselves adults.

Of course, it matters whom directed the flow of battle in a space (for example, a child stumbled and hurt himself, and he blurted out a curse), or against a specific person, the mother or father. But in any case, this incident should not go unnoticed. Often children start using "indecent" words to give vent to emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code   - Anger, irritation, resentment. They can respond to you swearing if you're trying to get them to do something uninteresting, for example, to clean the room or do the dishes.

Parents need to understand that the use of swear words - it is a very immature way of expressing negative emotions. When a child cools and calms down, you need to tell him that the struggle is not only not solve its problems, and only add, because then they will have to deal with the consequences of their incontinence, for which punishment could be a ban on video games or deprivation of pocket money.

Insults have no excuse

In this regard, parents should exercise rigor and "lower case on the brakes": the child has to know that his bad behavior will not be tolerated. Bran tirade against the mother, father, brother, sister or any other family member - is not a separate sentence that fell from the child when he got burned, I dropped or upset. This verbal attack on another person, which is usually paralyze and demoralize the interlocutor.

The difference between a curse and abuse, insult, can be illustrated by an example already mentioned: "I hate this *** school. I can not stand *** teacher, he *** ". It is a curse. If the child replied: "Go ****, it's none of your business! "It would have been abuse, which can not be tolerated. When children use obscene words (especially words with sexual connotations) to the family, it is an insult, not just swearing.

Obscene insults not just indecent, they are humiliated and hurt his interlocutor, and therefore need to respond to them in the same way as any other offensive behavior. When a child offends his brother or sister obscene words, it should immediately stop, because the duty of parents - to protect children from such attacks, even if they come from another child.

Do not be afraid to "overdo it" - the child needs to understand that this behavior is unacceptable. Put him under house arrest for a day, depriving him of the computer or video games, banned from going to the sports section during the week. Do not allow your child to manipulate you, do not give in to his entreaties, he "definitely need to go there", "check e-mail," and so on. He must realize that there is no justification humiliation and punishment will be severe.

Nothing bad will happen if a child misses one or two classes in the section once again, or stay at home. Another effective method of punishment - deprivation of privileges, such as a ban on the use of mobile phones or other electronics. For example, you can tell a child: "I'm taking your video console and give you forty-eight hours of probation - if, during this time you will not use swear words, to get it back." Every time a child uses an expletive, the probationary period is shifted for some time (if he used the expletive six hours later after the reference time period is extended to the six hours).

Also, ask your child to think about his behavior in writing to apologize to those whom he has offended, and to promise that it will not happen again. Such material, "documented" evidence will help the child in the future to restrain the rush to use swear words.

If the child is small

Typically, the main reason for the use of baby mat - the desire to attract the attention of parents. But children two to five years cursing unconsciously. Speech imitation characteristic of young children along with other activities. Only after five years, the main motivation of the child becomes a rebellion against "as accepted": he uses swear words deliberately, knowing that it can not be done.

If your three year old uses swear words, you may want to pay attention to yourself? Parents should try to swearing never heard in the presence of a child from his birth, as children often do not even know the meaning of words that use. In this case you should calmly explain the meaning of words available to tell him that it's a dirty word, and say it, when they want someone to hurt. If a curse was the easy way out of aggression, you must teach your baby to show negative emotions without harsh words. You can not just forbid foul language, no arguing. Prohibition creates rebellion and gives a positive result.