You watch in horror as the bully on the court arguing and attacking another child. You feel as if it hit you in the chest and feel the gravel under the knees. You join the rest of the mothers who run around to stop the fight. But for you, it looks a little bit different. If all rushed to reassure the victim, then you are left alone with the bully - your child.

Very scary to know that your child is hurt someone. You can not believe that your child has hurt another person, whether physical or emotional pain. How could he? You desperately asking yourself. As his behavior characterizes me as a mother?

Fortunately, the answer is very simple. And it is very important that you remember that the calling and aggressive behavior of the child and, therefore, its consequences - is not your fault.

Immediate consequences

Now we are not talking about children toddlers who can not share a bucket in the sandbox. It is worth noting olds who are already physically developed and can hurt each other just words. And when you notice that your child is well behaved, you need to take urgent action.

If your child bullies in the park, immediately ends the walk. Stand on the bench and take away the power of the child and put him in the car. If you have other children, you have to take them home (unless, of course, not close friends who will look after them and will deliver home later).

During the trip home, explain to children why you have done so. Tell me what you are going home because one of the children behaved badly. Explain that you're sorry that we had to take home all but impossible to remain in the park without adult supervision. Resist the urge to scream or even talk to a child-bully. Do not threaten your child that you will take away his game console or iPod. Basically it is an empty threat. The child understands that you do not. So you better be quiet and wait for the time when the conversation did take place.

If you witness bullying at school, you should also intervene. In this case, you should immediately take the child to the director or the person responsible for discipline in the school who is considering such incidents. Describe the whole situation as calmly as possible and then provide to the school to decide what happens next. With your child, you can talk later.

Do not be nervous

Once you take the child, you will need some time to calm down. Best line in such cases, said in the address of the child - "I'm so angry (evil) that can not now talk to you. I need fifteen minutes. And you sit there. " Do not send the child to his room, a place filled with his favorite toys and music. Instead, put him at the dinner table, where there are no books, and TV that it was in your mind.

Do not hurry up and gather my thoughts. Call your spouse or best friend, or any other person, the advice that you listen. Think about what you want to tell your child, and what results you want to achieve. Do not rush yourself, but stick to the terms, you talked about the child.

Please say, then listen

Express your thoughts. Explain to your child how you were upset and angry. Say that this behavior is unacceptable, it humiliates him, and that you will not tolerate it. Try to explain to your child how you felt when you saw what he's doing.

Now is the time to listen. Ask your child to tell you what really happened. Do not interrupt his story - you can answer all the child said, but first listen to him. Once you have listened to each other, discuss why the child should not behave this way, and try to find other ways to solve the problem if it occurs for the second time.

You also need to determine the punishment, but that the child understood the fault. Prohibit watching TV - not the best solution. A more appropriate punishment can be writing a letter of apology on the following page.

Hooliganism - this is one of the most difficult problems faced by parents. But the swift and consistent action to help parents prevent hooliganism in the root and prevent more serious problems in the future.

The first-born in a large family often grow much early. Oldest child - resistant, docile and patient, he is always ready to come to the aid of others and does not want anyone to cause inconvenience. Sometimes he is too demanding and want things to be, "he said." So you need some special approach to education of an older child that inherent in it from birth qualities - reliability, consciousness and organization - to develop fully?

Let firstborn own decisions

You know exactly what your daughter is doing pirouettes best in ballet class. Perhaps it will be the first in ballroom dancing, and in the wilderness, and aerobics ... but burn it on a dozen new groups and sections should not be - you may regret it. This will deprive it of the right to own choice - you cook it to life, doomed to failure, because it can not keep up everywhere, and to achieve excellence in everything we do. Furthermore, it can, it totally different interests, far from the foxtrot and waltz. As the first-born usually very ambitious and eager to earn the praise of adults, your little girl will dutifully attend all clubs, whether it likes it or not. Remember one thing - to acquaint the child with a new occupation, and quite another - to rely on the fact that the child reaches this class skills and "it will eventually fall in love."

Do not expect to find in a first-born nurse

Psychologists strongly recommend that parents do not try to turn the older children to the younger nurse. Just because your son or daughter is older, he or she is not required to keep track of your brothers and sisters, and to answer for their transgressions - it is the duty of parents.

Do not carp

Resist the temptation to alter for your senior has to make it work (mop the floor, wash the dishes). Believe me, if the work is done badly, he will notice that without your intervention, and it will only develop its characteristic independence and older children perfectionism.

Teach your child that the main thing - not the result but the process

Firstborns are often so fond of any one occupation, trying to reach perfection in it, which does not pay attention to what is happening around. According to psychologists, perfectionism - not always dignity. Does your daughter need up to eight deep into the night to pore over homework or preparing for tests? Or enough that it only took the lessons learned about the structure of the solar system and enjoy interesting activities?

Praise does not achieve the child and his personality

Yes, all of us - and those who showed you photos of your child - you know what you are proud of your firstborn. Yeah, just great, he only gets the highest score, playing Tchaikovsky on rumor or beats sports records. But beware: be careful that your enthusiasm is not too pressed on your little Einstein. Child psychologists say that the efforts of parents to make child genius may backfire. Under pressure from them ("you must always be first!") Turns a child into the car to get awards, cups and medals. Therefore praise not only achieve your son or daughter and his or her personal qualities. Even innocent praise such as "Well done! "Can be improved by adding to it the phrase" We are proud of you "- you, not just what you did.

Teach your child to be patient

Parents need to understand that the older child needs rules - it needs clarity, clarity and structure. Be patient, do not take the time to ensure that all sort through and explain to the child from "A" to "Z". It will be for him a good role model, and with peers, he will be as patient as you are with him.

Teach your child to compromise

"No" - one of the most popular words in the vocabulary of any child, but not your older son or daughter. Firstborn leaders by nature, and this quality can sometimes manifest as aggression or arrogance. If your daughter playing with dolls, requires everything to be "as she said," peers can not understand her, and she will be left alone. Reassure her that approach "in my opinion, or in any way! "Is not always effective, and emphasize the importance of sharing and compromise.

And when she next visits will refuse to give her younger sister to play with Barbie, offer them a game in which it is not necessary to share such as "classics." This will strengthen the bond between them, without irritating the possessive feelings.

Remember that child - it's not precious Faberge egg ...

You mother (or father) and not the guardian of order - your seven year old son did not grow up a criminal, if you allow him to play in the race on the console. Many parents believe that the only way to grow a decent man - is strongly limit its freedom of rules and prohibitions (well, and "to protect him from the corrupting influence of the street", of course), but such education only hurts - this time bomb sooner or later will explode .

Do not make the child in a hothouse plant; make him stick to the necessary rules and restrictions and be sure to explain why this is necessary. In this case, it not only understand your logic and reasoning, but will let you know if your requirements are too cruel. In the education of the first-born parents are often behind the curve with respect to severity.

... But not punching bag

The obedient child who never contradict and silently fulfills all orders - whether it is the dream of all parents? And imagine what will happen when the child grows up? In one he turn? The servile and spineless deadhead, on which all wipe their feet? The problem with obedient children, at an early age to master the art of compromise, that later around happily enjoy their dependability. Teach your first child to say "no." To teach him to set boundaries, do not give him instructions for his age.

Spend more time with your child, especially if you have a big family

The eldest child in a large family feels better in the company of adults than their brothers and sisters. Firstborn often seems that the parents do not give them enough attention, because it is always busy with younger children. Try to spend time with the eldest son or daughter more time, take it is, when you go to relax with my husband or friends, go to a beauty salon or shopping. Such close communication with parents will also help solve the problem of jealousy Jealousy and what to do with it That the oldest child often experiences to the younger.