How to stop being a martyr - it's time to stop

Parents assume the role of martyrs for a variety of reasons and are guided, of course, well-intentioned. The end result is always the same: they give their own energy instead of the energy of a child. Therefore, it is important to the parents to decide how, when and where they take a step back.

Psychologists recommend parents start with the following: select one field of activity in which the child is weak. This can be a problem or task from which you are trying to protect the child. For example, it is the combination of homework, sports, socializing with peers, play and rest. Do not try to do for the child of his work. Sit down with him and say, "Let's make a list of all the things that you must do, and look at how to make them better, so that you can do everything." So you give your child to understand that some things you can not help him, and can not perform his duties permanently.

It is also helpful to give the child the choice of "either / or". So, you can say, "Either you watch TV or chat with friends on the phone. Choose ". Teach your child how to make a choice. Help him to make the schedule. Together with your child set priorities. Show him the problem and then solve the problem, let alone making a choice.

Similarly, if the child is comfortable with a tantrum when he is asked to do household chores, ask him what he learned about the consequences. Be specific. Ask your child: "What would you do differently the next time I ask you to wash the dishes, and you want to watch TV? ".

Parents also have to decide what they expect from the child prioritize. If you force a child to go to the sports section, and when he got home, immediately put him for the lessons, do not be surprised that in the morning he gets up with difficulty. This "vicious circle of stress" necessarily affect the emotional and physical health of the child. Parents should ask yourself is necessary for the child or it is necessary for me?

Children learn from their mistakes

Remember that children do not develop, if the parents are not at risk, and the biggest risk for the parents - is to see your child's grief. Restrain the impulse to protect a child from a cruel world and see how it will solve their problems. No need to constantly insure. Your behavior should tell the child: "I believe that you can do it" rather than "You can not do it." Follow this simple principle, and do not turn into martyrs - the child later will say "thank you" for your sacrifices.

What else to help your child and avoid stress

If a child, especially a teenager, frustrated by what he saw on TV, heard at school or on the street, convince him that, in spite of everything, the family will always be there and will protect it. Other people come and go, but the parents will stay with him forever.

Even in critical situations, such as when there is a threat of losing housing or work, parents should constantly monitor to ensure that the child does not become accidental witness to their conversation on the problematic topic, no matter where it is carried out - by phone, Skype or in reality . Such talk, especially snatched their context phrases can cause the child unnecessary excitement. Parents should also let off steam only when assured that the child is not around and he did not see the mother or father of the adverse party.

How to help your child in a large family

In difficult times, members of a large family living under one roof - grandparents, aunt, uncle, and their children - to help one another and remember that they have an indirect influence on each other and the children.

If you see that one of the members of the family too freely expresses emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code Which, in your opinion, can frighten the child, ask him to continue to be restrained in the presence of your son or daughter, explaining that his behavior causes concern for the child.

If the family member tried to take a defensive position, they say, the child time to learn that life is not always easy, and that's enough to grow from a rag and a hothouse plant, agree with him, but mention that recently read that children are simply not suited to stress as adults and react much more strongly negative. Their "emotional safety cushion", the internal mechanisms of psychological defense, began to develop only in the transition to adulthood, and even later, so the children react so violently to the smallest trouble. Most likely, a relative will not be too happy about that conversation, but if you do not protect the child from even close, then who else will?

One recent study found that if a child from early childhood sees around a lot of negativity, he grows nervous, prone to depression and neurosis. Subsequently, his nervous system is not able to adequately respond to stimuli - like a man, early became acquainted with the sexual side of life in the future are often unable to lead a normal sex life because of malformed responses.

Growing up, these people are more prone to physical and mental illness Mental illness - ashamed to ask for help? Including depression, drug and alcohol addiction Alcohol addiction - for no reason, no reason not arise .

The study also shows that the emotional force (mobility of the psyche) is not a consequence of "hardening" as a result of constant stress How to beat stress? Create an oasis . No child should be subjected to stress gradually, step by step, so that it can adapt to it and learn how to "properly" respond, in certain circumstances and situations.