If your family has a son and a daughter, you're in luck. But at the same time, you face a difficult task - to bring them in different ways, but without discrimination and preferential treatment. Here are some tips on how to grow from a boy to a strong man, but from the girls - clever and charming woman.

How to educate girls

• Focuses on the development of mental abilities, diligence, sensitivity, self-reliance, perseverance and the ability to not give in to difficulties. Encourage your daughter's desire to look beautiful. When she puts on "adult" dress, do her compliments Compliments and their meaning: do not mistake the words . Do not forget to remind that the external beauty should be a reflection of the inner core.
• Encourage Girl ambition, competitiveness and desire to win. Put it in front of the same difficult goals, as well as to boys without making discounts on its floor.
• Teach a girl of healthy competition. Do not let it win only on the grounds that she is a girl. The victory strengthens the self-confidence, but a defeat tempers the character.
• Do not force the girl to fit within the framework of society. Help her to accept his otherness and individuality, send their "energy difference" in a peaceful course - even if the girl is engaged in dance, music, sports and so on.
• Encourage your daughter to participate "girly" circles, where there are no boys.
• Tell me girl stories about successful women held.
• If you have several daughters, do not treat them differently because of age; We need to give them the same opportunities and responsibilities and to give the same amount of time.
• From early childhood the girl spend intimate conversations tête-à-tête that, as adults, she knew she could turn to you with any questions and problems. Sometimes she just need to ease the soul.

How to educate boys

• When the boy's education is very important to set boundaries and clear rules. Boys need limitations, especially in behavior. They need a sequence of (offense (violation of the rules) - punishment) and discipline.
• Although the boys do not need to communicate or a close emotional connection with parents as much as the girls, it is important that you are not afraid of the son, and did not hesitate to talk to you on the personal issues.
• The boy must necessarily be a positive role model for others to follow.
• Encourage your son's interests, whether it's spaceships, football and computer games. Do not bother to learn the world around him and himself. Do not be surprised (and do not worry), if he is interested in anything "devochkovomu", for example, fashion - all children, regardless of gender, are curious by nature.
• Help the boy to find acceptable ways to vent emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code Especially negative. Boys have more energy, and this energy is required exit.
• Teach a boy to help with the housework. This will teach him that the man and woman have equal rights and responsibilities in the family, he will respect the labor of others and take care of yourself.
• Teach your son to treat women with respect, regardless of their age. Fathers, sons have to learn this from you.
• Encourage expression of emotions. Optionally, to force his son to watch melodrama or to talk about a girl he liked, but he should know that in the manifestation of emotions such as crying, no shame.

Search excuses desire to shift the blame for their misdeeds on the other and to find an explanation for the unacceptable behavior - all signs of victim thinking. In today's society, and children and adults have learned to skillfully use these strategies to explain their actions.

When the teenager does not want to take responsibility, it is likely that he will try to present itself as a victim. When your child says, "You do not understand me! "He portrays the victim, because he really wants to say:" I - a victim of a misunderstanding. " When a child says, "The teacher does not like me and underestimates. So I did not do your homework, "he demonstrates victimization thinking, because accuses the teacher that did not fulfill his task. And when you hear: "I hit my sister, because she showed me the language," it is also a manifestation of victim thinking, because the child is looking for an excuse violation of the rules of conduct established in your family.

That's where the danger lies: the basis of victim thinking is the belief that if you are a victim, then the rules do not apply to you. In other words, if you are a victim, you are not responsible for the consequences of your actions. Therefore, if you are not responsible, then you will not have to change anything, because the blame for others.

In modern society, it is assumed that if you had a difficult childhood, and you are a victim of bad parenting, you can not take full responsibility for their misdeeds. Nonsense. Such thinking led to the formation of the type of society that we see today, the consumer society in which no one takes responsibility for anything, and in which everyone is a victim of circumstance or injustice.

Where did this thinking? Look around. Look at the heads of states, ministers, prominent officials, look at politicians. They are never to blame for what is happening in the country, they are always the victims of something or someone. The sad truth is that the victimization thinking permeates our society at all levels.

Victimization thinking and teens, "You just do not understand me! "

The reason that teenagers often tempted of victim thinking - so they tend to distance themselves from their parents and establish their identity. They see their parents and guardians are not defenders of their interests, and the power encroaching on their independence, and consider themselves to be the victim of their parents. They feel a victim of the rules of domestic restrictions imposed by society, the boundaries and expectations of parents hostage.

If you look at what is happening through the eyes of a child, adolescence is probably the most controversial age in human life. Teenagers experience strong emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code Not to mention the hormonal, physical and sexual changes. Every year on their shoulders rests the greater responsibility, which often makes them open protest and rejection. Do not forget that the sixteen-year child who can now spend money to drive a car, have sex, alcohol and drugs, four years ago, I was twelve years old.

As parents, you have to remember how quickly everything happens at this age, and how quickly children grow. This does not mean that the child should not be held accountable for their actions, not at all. Just parents should be aware of the natural tendency of adolescents to resort to victimization thinking, and should be able to resist these attempts to manipulate.

Many children feel very comfortable in the role of victim. When you refuse to see the child victim, it can not simply be offended by you. Be prepared for the fact that such an attitude will cause the child's sharp rejection and protest. He can say, "You just do not understand me," when you do not respond the way he wanted. Although in most cases the parents react exactly as the child expects. A very common mistake parents - to cultivate in children victimization mindset and try to fix things for them. But experience shows that this educational strategy creates a very difficult situation for the whole family.

When a child says, "You do not understand me," he challenges you. Do not fall for this provocation and did not join him in the fight. You need to say, 'Maybe I do not understand you. But I know this: you have to do homework, and while you do not prepare for lessons on the game console (or PC) you can forget. "

You can also say, "Maybe I do not understand, but it is important that you understand what I expect from you." Do not argue with your child, do not be distracted by the showdown, someone who knows and who he loves. Be firm and do not allow themselves to be drawn into the scandal.

Why be a victim - a mistake

Victimization thinking - this is one of the so-called "thinking errors". Yes, in thought, too, may be mistakes in spelling. You can write a word or solve a math problem in a certain way and get the wrong answer, but be sure that everything is correct.

Similarly, people make mistakes thinking and getting the wrong answer to life's questions. The sad thing is that they believe that everyone is doing well and can not see his mistake. Common mistakes of thought peculiar to teenagers: dishonesty, justify their actions, the desire to shift blame and responsibility onto others, and presenting themselves as victims.

So many teenagers use victimization thinking, because it combines a host of thinking errors and avoids responsibility for what they did or what they do not want to do.

Teens mostly believe in what they say; it's not a conscious manipulation. When your child shows a victim, is looking for an excuse or blame, he had no doubt that the rights that all it is really.

This does not mean that on this basis, the child should be rid of the responsibility for his actions. No child should see that his behavior will have consequences. If you allow the child to use the error of thinking in order to avoid responsibility, it is not no good end. The child gets used to see themselves as victims and will not be ready for adult life, and make informed decisions.