Sexual contact and conceiving a child

Most children under eight years of content knowledge that male sperm joins with the female egg to create a new life. Do not worry if the children will not be a full understanding of the principle of compound cells. Try to start a conversation about sex with truthful statements. Define the uterus, penis, testicles, and provide basic information about the sperm and egg. In most cases, children will perceive this information calmly.

Children over eight years already trying to find out how the sperm "occur" with the egg. But this does not mean that young children can not ask such a question. Regardless of six, seven or eight years of a child, the question there is only one basic answer is "a man's penis penetrates the vagina of women, and sperm from the testicles out." Answering such questions, parents also need to share values ​​with your child about sexual behavior. You can say: "Only the adults who love each other, are engaged in this." In addition, parents can already explain the 8- and 9-year-old child that sexual relations are not only for conceiving children. "Adults can also make love How to make love: sex - not just technique To show how much they love each other. " Be prepared to devote the child in detail, if he so requests, but does not apply to the subject poses, orgasm and others. Children this age is not necessary to hear it.

Parents should be prepared for questions about the different ways of conceiving Conception, ovarian cycle, fertilization and genetics of a child   child. It is important to be knowledgeable on the subject. Children can ask questions about the "children of the tubes," or how to have same-sex couples could give birth to babies. Parents need to possess relevant information to intelligibly explain to the child. Recurring talk about gay and lesbian relationships should promote tolerance and understanding among children. Parents should understand that thoughtful conversations with their children about sex Sexual relations: how to bring passion   needed. To begin with parents should decide at what age to start talking about sexual relationships. In addition, the conversations should be incremental. Try to give your child the information that he needs at the moment, and gradually develop the theme. But you really should develop a plan for holding such talks advance.

Oral

Oral sex - it is also the sex and teens need to know about it. According to a study based on individual observations, oral sex is becoming increasingly popular among teenagers. Talking about this kind of sex you can hear more and more often in secondary schools. As a rule, talk about oral sex should not start with children under the age of ten years, unless they themselves are affected by this issue. However, you can give an example, when the seven-year old girl came to his parents and said, "Why aunt kissed genitals uncle? ". The parents were surprised by the question and did not know what to do. They turned to a psychologist who advised them to respond to such questions and answer something like, "I also heard about it. This may seem strange, but some adults who love each other to do so. We do not talk about it, but I'm glad that you came to this matter to me. "

With children older than ten years, this issue needs to be discussed, while respecting oral sex as an important expression of love and affection. Parents should always pay attention to false information. Some teens say: "It is not sex, this can not become pregnant and infected with HIV." "Yes, you can not get pregnant, but the other two points? Think again. "

Love, compassion, respect, trust and affection

All of these values ​​need to enter into a conversation with your child about sex .  It is very important for every child .  When you are talking about babies with children of middle age, pay attention to the emotional component, emphasize that before becoming parents, men and women have for each other and love strong attachment .  Older children can directly ask if mom and dad sex .  This is a great opportunity for parents to talk about love for each other and mutual desire to have a child that will be an expression of their love .  "Two adults should never have sex if they do not like each other" .  By the time a child enters the fifth grade, every conversation about sex should contain specific examples .  Parents must understand that attachment - is the first step to have sex .  Parents should use everyday situations to teach children .  Let's say you see a child with the show, and fifteen minutes later after meeting the characters began to love each other passionately on the couch .  At such times, it would be appropriate to tell your child, "You know, I condemn their behavior, there is no any logic .  They do not even know each other, they can realize that they love each other? " .  After that, continue talking about the true meaning of love, relationships and attachments .  Children need to learn more about these qualities, what they mean, what they are and how to identify them .  To learn how to build relationships with other people, it may take a lot of time and effort, if not the whole of life .

Why sacrifice parents of the martyrs in vain

First, the parents voluntarily taken upon themselves the role of the martyr, his guardianship over a child cultivated helplessness. They are trying to protect the child from any any alarm conditions, that is, from all that is necessary for normal development of the child, including the formation of skills to overcome obstacles and social skills. As a consequence, children with disruptive behavior do not acquire problem-solving skills necessary for life.

This situation can often be seen in families where there are children with behavioral problems or learning. Their parents devote much of his time the child control his actions every step to avoid circumstances that may provoke his bad behavior. Such total control may seem perfectly natural for parents, but in fact the child understands that the less he behaves, the less is demanded of him.

This psychological installation called "learned helplessness." He prefers to impose on others to solve their problems and is not able to act in emergency situations. The sad truth is that a child does not develop emotionally and socially, and remains a small child (since it feels so), and behaves accordingly (naughty, offended), even as adults. Many parents continue to play the role of martyrs, even when the child grows up, his constant care and eliminating the consequences of admission of a misstep that "he had no trouble."

Unfortunately, with such excessive, suffocating the child care need to develop problem-solving skills and stress even more than other children whose parents take their responsibilities with less fervor. According to psychologists, parents who do too much for their children, are in need of professional guidance - they need to learn how to help children develop the skills confrontation stress How to beat stress? Create an oasis   and problem solving. This skill without which a child dies in adulthood.

Second, parents are forced to constantly underestimate the martyrs expectations and bring to a child less and less requirements. When a child fails to meet its obligations, for example, cleans the room and not doing homework, parents do not punish him, and reduce requirements (permit not to clean the room), and then the praise for what he has done at least something in home. The child understands that the praise and approval can not deserve and demand. Many children receive praise and approval, because their parents understand that if they do not reduce the expectations and requirements, and not praise a child, it will not meet these expectations.

Thirdly, the greater the parent tries to protect the child martyr of the problems, the more the child seems to be that my mother or the father does not trust him and believe in his strength. When a child knows that you are constantly konfliktuete teachers because he asked too much, he thinks as follows: "Mom and Dad think I'm no good for anything."

The logic of the Child: "Mommy knows that I can not do as much as other children" (and the next logical conclusion: "I'm worse than other children"). Meanwhile, parents are guided by entirely different considerations: "If we are going to spare him and hold out of trouble, he will become stronger." That is why individual training programs, ostensibly to address the competitive factors and the strengthening of self-esteem of the child, ineffective.

The fact that the child feels special satisfaction when conquering the summit seemed unattainable, that is when he manages to perform a task that seemed impossible. When the child impose lower requirements, it does not need to try and make an effort, he did not have a sense of accomplishment, "I was able to, I will." It is known that self-esteem is formed in the performance of new, particularly difficult to achieve.

Why is bad to be a martyr

Parents of martyrs will inevitably remain in forced isolation and loneliness. Accept the fact that you can not protect the child from all the problems of growing up. To become a man has to go through numerous tests and traps.

Practice shows that parents martyrs - a caring people who are prone to sacrifice, who are concerned about their child, but can not direct his concern about "peaceful course." Of course, as soon as the child suffers first defeat in life, and the parents will give him to understand that to be helpless - well, it will continue to behave this way, not only in his youth, but also in adulthood. Therefore, parents are forced more and more to take care of the child, even when he is quite able to take care of himself.

Psychologists advise change the role of a martyr to the role of mentor, helping to solve problems and to set clear boundaries and scope of conduct.