How to talk about the relationship: five steps to the frankness
December 8, 2011
In any relationship inevitably comes a time when one of the parties wants to discuss their further development. For example, you are ready to move on and go to the next level of relations ... or just move on. In any case, to start a serious discussion about the relationship is never easy, no matter on what outcome you want.
Psychologists explain the fear of this kind of talk that is connected with them too much uncertainty, and the outcome is unpredictable. This is especially true couples, unmarried, who are still at the stage of a romantic relationship, and had never before spoken on this topic. Fear, anxiety, fear of rejection, or, conversely, cause too emotional response - all good reasons to postpone this difficult, but such an important conversation to better times.
Find the right words to start a conversation
Of course, there is a universal phrase which, as a magic wand, will help everyone. But to start a conversation with the sinister "We need to talk" is not worth it. Moreover, it is a very big mistake, because thus you originally call the interlocutor prejudice, and he does not expect to communicate with you any good. Psychologists are advised not to panic, but to approach the conversation as any other communication on the topic of conflict. For example, you can apply to partner with the phrase "I would like (a) to discuss with you something." It sounds sinister, and does not cause a negative attitude.
Do not expect much
No matter who started this conversation - you or your partner - do not expect too much of him and give free rein to imagination. Experts advise not to dwell on their own emotions
Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code
, Expectations, needs, and fears, and to think about what you and your girl or guy character and temperament is different, and therefore this complex subject and you too will treat the conversation differently. Do not try to predict the reaction of a partner, and in any case, do not count on it - if your expectations are not met, you can behave inappropriately. Honestly and frankly, what you want (or do not want), stipulate your needs and desires. And get ready to hear the needs and desires of your interlocutor.
Frankly (but politely) declared their needs and desires
Do not hesitate to admit to their own desires, thoughts, expectations, without trying to adapt to his partner, and the needs and expectations
. You should not give up on themselves for the sake of the other and agree in everything with a partner, taking his point of view
. In any relationship, the main thing - be yourself, and if your spouse is also interested in the relationship, as you do, she will be glad to know about your fears or expectations, because frankness - this is a demonstration of confidence
. Silence of feelings and issues is fraught with serious complications - your dissatisfaction sooner or later, will have an effect, and it can happen completely out of control
. Psychologists are also advised to often use the pronoun "I" instead of "you", that is to say first and foremost about themselves, not about partner
. For example, do not say "you give me a little attention"
. It is better to say "I do not like that you give me a little attention"
. In this case, the source rather listen to your words, but do not close the protective armor, perceiving them as a charge
Listen more, talk less
No wonder Mother Nature gave us two ears and one mouth - perhaps they should be used in compliance with this natural proportions? Listen more and speak less, and then the interviewee will understand that you respect him and you really wonder his opinion.
Avoid vagueness and ambiguity; do not hesitate to clarify the unclear point
Always remember that the other person can understand your words differently than you would like. Therefore, in a conversation about the relationship is so important to choose your words and check whether they have been understood. Do not hesitate to ask again if you do not understand something, ask questions or to make sure that you understand. By the way, the questions must be open, that is, containing no response and "tips". Do not rush to stun the interlocutor speech on their own expectations and aspirations, and to ask whether he agrees with you or not. Strive to build a constructive dialogue.
It is also important, where, when and under what circumstances will be a conversation. Choose for this neutral territory - for example, a secluded alley park, coffee shop, where few visitors. Important, serious discussion is not put off by the later time - in the evening we thoroughly tired, and simply arranged to discuss important topics. Also, do not start talking about the relationship after the stress
How to beat stress? Create an oasis
- Examination, interview, an important business meeting.
How to fall in love with the guy and drown his polygamous instinct
January 20, 2008
No matter how many say that the feelings or appear, or not, lovers girls continue to look for ways to fall in love with the object of his adoration. In fact, it is not impossible, though, and you need of considerable energy. Regardless of the outcome (and it is often positive), you'll get valuable experience and learn a lot, especially about yourself.
You need to be a
This is the most important, the most obvious and the most difficult to implement the advice. In the words of Oscar Wilde: "Be yourself. The rest of the roles are already taken. " You can not be yourself if you do not know, do not understand and do not accept yourself. And if you can not, it can not and the guy. The most attractive people - the most real, the most full of life. These are only those that do not play other people's roles, who is free from stereotypes. This, incidentally, will help you better understand - what kind of person you want as a partner for life. It is a partner, not a satellite - that is equitable, independent, who is a solid, bright personality itself. Be yourself may seem difficult, but in the end, this is the only condition under which you can be sure that your partner loves you and it's not what you seem him at this time.
Gather as much information about your site - who works, what his education, what hobbies he spends his spare time and make friends with anyone. This is more than useful. For example, if it spreads spiders at home, and you have a terrible arachnophobia, you can save a lot of nerve cells themselves and him know in advance about this hobby. Also, if within its sphere of interest there is something you really do not understand you, you can make at least a general idea about the subject. You do not need to develop an interest in it - enough to possess general information.
Become more attractive
Maybe it's trite, but it is necessary to please a man. You are not required superhuman efforts. It is important to be healthy, toned, track bearing
Posture - a few helpful tips for those who want to walk straight
and comply with the rules of hygiene. These are the basic rules, without which fade any outfit and makeup. Maybe you should go to a consultation with the stylist, he helped to pick you up hair, makeup and clothing style. Regarding the latter, the most important thing here - this is your comfort. It makes you attractive harmony of your inner world and the external image. Say goodbye to the delusion that men like bright make-up and clothes. They pay attention to them, yes, but - as you would like.
Look at him, if you do not know if familiar - boldly spoke to him
Do you think that your embarrassment the young man notices that he is interested in you, and if he wants, he will speak? You think in terms of women, men also have little understanding of hints. Their thinking is straightforward: she does not speak with me, and even almost smorit - then I'm not interested in it. No matter how scared to speak to those who you like, just do it. For example, pay attention to his phone, camera, laptop, a device for reading electronic books, or something else. Say something like thinking to buy and collect views on the different models. They love to talk about their high-tech toys! Take an interest in the technical details of which he is telling you, ask more questions.
Do not talk about their problems
They talk about them all, and it's tiring. Most say that you all turns out, you deal with everything - and you'll be special for him.
Do not force meeting
Call first, you can talk, "Why? Come all the same meet. Come on! "- It is impossible in any case. Most men do not like it when someone other than them, so obviously trying to control their behavior.
Do not show willingness to run around the clock to it on a date (even if you really want), from time to time, turn off the phone, leave the city for the weekend - without him. A man not interested in taking what is a very hands. He passionately wants to catch it - and that - that escapes.