How to glue the broken marriage: who is to blame and what to do?

November 7, 2013

 broken marriage
 When the relationship is just beginning, I would like to think that this love - forever. But statistics is relentless: almost half of marriages end in divorce. Former spouses are usually blamed for the broken marriage to each other, but as a rule, parting - a consequence of error of two instead of one. So, you should learn from the lessons of this situation and move on.


Why break up marriages?

There are not many reasons why people get divorced. One of the most common causes of divorce - dissimilarity of characters or insurmountable contradictions. Simply put, people are not suited to each other and can not agree among themselves. As a rule, for this reason divorced couple who once rushed to the marriage: the charm of love has passed, and it turned out that the spouses are too different to be together. Well, if the awareness of the incompatibility occurs relatively early, when it is still possible to change something in their lives. Much sadder if by that time the couple had already had children, whose parents' divorce - always stressful How to beat stress? Create an oasis  How to beat stress? Create an oasis

In second place in the global statistics - partner relationship: alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling Gambling - why can not we stay?  Gambling - why can not we stay?
 . To live with a dependent person is very difficult, and sometimes downright dangerous. Divorce in such a situation - a real salvation. In some countries, the dependence of the partner is the leading cause of divorce, which is leading by a wide margin.

Often marriages fail because of financial problems. The lack of money or lack of their own homes - a difficult test for the family, and not all of it can pass the test. Also, money is the reason for divorce if the marriage took place on the calculation and this calculation is not justified.

Many couples get divorced because of sexual incompatibility. Interestingly, most of divorce serves unsatisfied sexual life of women. Men are easier to solve the problem - the plant connection on the side. Treason - is another common cause of broken marriages: not all are willing to put up with infidelity partner.

Some couples get divorced because of the interference with family relatives, the absence of children, long separation, illness of a spouse. Sometimes there are divorces and "convenience": people continue to live together, but in a civil marriage because official marriage they for some reason it becomes unprofitable.


The responsibility for the broken marriage

Many spouses before the divorce and separation process are most interested in the question of what is to blame for the fact that the marriage ceased to exist. Meanwhile, there is no point in spending time and effort to search for the guilty. In fact, it does not matter whose fault the marriage fell apart - in any case it is necessary to draw lessons from what has happened, and try not to repeat the mistakes made in the future.

Mistakes do everything and marriage with the wrong person - the same mistake. Nowadays, few people confined to a marriage, and this means that there is a good chance to arrange their own destiny. The main thing - not to repeat in the new marriage of old mistakes.

Ate relationship broke up because of the appearance of her husband's mistress, razluchnitsa often accused that she had broken marriage. Interestingly, if the reason for the divorce becomes a link on the side of a woman, a man much less a lover wife blamed the destruction of the union. Women also tend to point fingers outside the family. But "take away" a man who does not want it, it is impossible. Responsibility for treason carries betrayed spouse who has violated its own allegiance, and not the other woman.


Is it possible to glue broken cup?

Is it possible to save a marriage that breaks up? Psychologists claim that absolutely all couples experiencing periodic crises which may end in divorce. Yet many couples manage to overcome the crisis and save the marriage, that is ready is about to collapse.

To save the marriage, the need for mutual love and desire to work on a relationship. Tellingly, this desire must experience both spouses - single-handedly save the marriage impossible.

The first step is to recognize the problem and to voice her partner. Many couples prefer to pretend that everything is fine, while the relationship deteriorate before our eyes. Unfortunately, denial of problems does not lead to their resolution. On the contrary, conflicts are aggravated, the claim collected, and understand each other is becoming increasingly difficult. The couple, who find the courage to talk about the problems, there is a good chance to understand each other and save the relationship.

If an agreement is not obtained, it may be worthwhile to ask for help. And it is better, if the aid will have a professional - that is a family psychologist. By choosing a psychologist is approached very carefully: a specialist must be credible and sufficient experience in resolving family problems. Work psychologist there to listen to both sides and help the couple find a common language. Do not wait for a specialist from the ready-made recipes and specific tips: its mission is to help clients to look at the situation from a different angle and to find a solution on their own.

Acknowledge your mistakes is never easy, but the ability to take responsibility for their own actions is very important for an adult. To admit mistakes is not enough - you also need to fix them, you have to make certain steps to reunite the family. If these steps will make only one of the spouses, the situation is unlikely to change the long haul. But if you work on relationships are both, the result is bound to be.

Many happy couples admit that at one time experienced a crisis in the relationship, but were able to overcome it. Jointly overcome the difficulties typically brings couples and makes them more trusting relationship. Therefore, if the spouses are bound not only common property and common memories, and love, is to work on their relationship.

Maria Bykov

Article Tags:
  • divorce,
  • Family Psychology

How to start a new life: Walkthrough

December 21, 2013

 start a new life
 Probably no one who has ever thought about how to start a new life. This question confronts anyone who is not satisfied with their existence and wants to change something. Not all, however, decide to change: Many prefer to postpone the start of a new life on Monday for next month, next year. Those who are willing to start a new life, it is necessary to understand how to do it.


Is it worth it change anything?

In itself, the desire to change life means only one thing: the person feels uncomfortable, he is unhappy, it is necessary to change something. Do not ignore such a signal of his own troubles, as the desire for change. If this situation continue to usual life, over time, frustration will grow. On the other hand, the desire for change does not mean that it is necessary to radically change the life: sometimes quite small changes to freshwater life was bright, interesting, rich and rewarding life.

Of course, you can change the life at random, hoping that sooner or later will be able to make sense of dissatisfaction and discomfort is gone. But it's much more effective to try to understand themselves and understand what is wrong in the life that is. What is missing for happiness? Find someone? Love? Self-esteem? Tranquility? Health? Maybe money's career, family relationships? Such soul-searching can be very interesting, they will bring a lot of discoveries, if you do not forget about the honesty with yourself. After all, people often dream about something just because it relies dream, and their true needs can be quite different.

It often happens that the desire to change something in your life - it's just a desire to remove any interference from its path. And then it is important to identify these obstacles in order to get rid of them.


First step: setting goals

To start with the most clearly, to the smallest details imagine what must be a new life. After that, you can start setting goals. In the formulation of the goals there is a very important point: the goal in any case should not depend on others. That is the ultimate goal can not be to change the behavior of another person. Here are some examples of wrong purposes:

  • To my husband was faithful to me;
  • To my wife took care of me;
  • To parents left me a legacy of the apartment;
  • To the chief raised my salary.

The ancient saying that the only thing that can change a man - a life of its own. Not worth wasting energy on attempts to change or re-other, do not set goals so that their implementation was dependent on someone else. Right goals sound a bit differently:

  • Happy family relations (preferably with a transcript - loyalty, mutual care, love ...);
  • Become an owner of your own apartment;
  • Monthly earning a certain amount.

Differences correct goals are clear. Firstly, Delhi can achieve these different ways. Secondly, the right goals require some proactive, not passive waiting.


Step two: a plan

When the goal is, you need to think your way to it. The most convenient way to build such a plan from the beginning, and the end. It targets may lead a number of ways. For example, to earn a certain amount each month, you can look for a new job, find a part-time job or ask a supervisor for a raise. Thus, instead of a global goal has several objectives, it is achievable. And to achieve each should draw up a separate plan.

To search for a new job needs to improve some skills, get acquainted with the requirements of employers and possibly refresh some business contacts. To find podrabotok besides all of the above is necessary to find the resources of time. A request for the allowances should prepare convincing speech, which will make the head of the salary increase.

With multiple plans can not be afraid of failure. It did not work to persuade the boss? So, you can always find a new job. In the meantime, work is not found, get the right amount of help to part-time work.

Such plans are drawn up for all purposes. Surprisingly, the most global targets may be achievable, it is worth only carefully plan your way to them step by step. However, a plan is, of course, is not enough.


Step Three: Action

To begin, we must act immediately. That is, as soon as put the last point in the plan. As a rule, the earliest items are not too complex to implement. For example, if the goal is a good figure, the first item may be giving up a late dinner - it means that refuse to be dinner on the same day as the written plan. If the first item - the study of a foreign language, you should immediately begin to search for a suitable course or textbook. If you care, then why not make a mask for hair or appointment to the beautician?

By delaying the start of the plan, the person gradually loses enthusiasm. It is tempting to put off "day X" again and again, even if the first steps toward the goal seem very simple. Everyone is afraid of change, because any change requires giving up something. Even if the old way of life has brought only trouble and pain, to decide on the changes can be difficult.

And the best way to deal with your fear - act. Methodically implement each item of its plan without seeking excuses. Sometimes it takes a few days to change the fear receded. Do not rush and jump the gun: we need only perform scheduled. At the same time we must not forget the flexibility: it is possible, in the original plans will have to make some adjustments, if required by the new, changed life.

Maria Bykov

Article Tags:
  • psychological help