Ask yourself, "What kind of example I apply? "

Any teacher knows that when children are excited and noisy behaved, it is useless for them to raise your voice or call them to silence. The louder the teacher says, the fewer children listen to it.

And vice versa - if the teacher says quietly, the children calm down, to hear him. In addition, they perceive the cry of the teacher as a sign of weakness and lack of control. If the mother is used to raise his voice to draw attention to her daughter, and talk on serious topics in a raised voice, it must be prepared for the fact that her daughter will subconsciously think that you need to listen to my mother, but when she screams.

Wrath of the parents not only undermines their credibility in the eyes of the child, but also "infect" the children. And who can keep calm when he was screaming? The response of anger and irritation - a natural reaction. In addition, if the person raises his voice, you will automatically do the same, to be heard, do not you? It is logical that parents, who are not accustomed to restrain their anger and pour out on his children grow up the same unrestrained children.

If noisy quarrel became your family in a familiar way clarify the relationship with the child ever since, when he was a kid, you know that the son or daughter did not immediately respond properly to your attempts to talk without shouting. Please be patient. To get rid of bad habits and get used to the new rules of communication in the family, it will take time.

Analyze their behavior

Teens often feel frustration because of the fact that few parents are involved in their education, and paid little attention to them, which is manifested as aggression and disrespect. It is shocking many parents are accustomed to see in your child being obedient and uncomplaining.

Of course, parents want only good, they only have good intentions, but sometimes they forget that their child - also a person deserving of respect. Unfair or neglect of their parents can cause latent aggressiveness of the child, which is puberty Transitional age - the period of emotional turmoil   breaks out.

Remember, you did not cause the child pain (intentionally or unintentionally), did not make him feel any unnecessary and unloved, if not manipulated his feelings or ignore him when he needed you? Do you always keep their promises? I did not show him any excessive demands? We do not say that the neighbor's child is much smarter and more compliant, and you got real punishment? Do not threatened? We do listen to him? We do not use it to satisfy their own needs and ambitions?

If the aggressive behavior of the child, and there's your fault, do not despair - there are no perfect parents (as well as the ideal children). The main thing - to understand it is not too late, when the situation can still be changed. Honest and frank talk with your child, acknowledge your mistakes and show that you can be trusted. In short, start communicating with a clean slate.

Sometimes you have to show who's boss

If a child often shows disrespect, it is quick-tempered and irritable, and refuses to change its behavior, despite the entreaties of your patient and serious "adult" conversation, it's time to show him who's boss.

Some psychologists recommend that parents give children clearly understand that shout insults, throwing objects or hysteria is totally unacceptable and motivated to establish penalties for violation of this prohibition. That punishment may be banned from participating in any event, a prohibition on going to the movies, and so forth. Having chosen the tactics of behavior, the parents in any case should not deviate from its decision and give in to the entreaties of the child. If he broke the rules - he should be punished, as you promised.

How to calm the child: a few effective techniques

Your baby cries, slams the door and rolls very real tantrum ... but whether he trusts you so that in your presence to give way to anger? The punishment of aggressive behavior and angry eliminate only symptoms, but without the guidance of a child lost. Psychologists who specialize in training on anger management, warns that children whose parents do not learn how to properly express anger and frustration, often find their own, often incorrect, anger management techniques.

In seven years, the child is crying, screaming and pulling the hair of other children, and at sixteen he already knows about a dozen others, such as wrong ways to say "I'm terribly angry." The child has to independently solve the problem of anger, if parents do not tell him the correct decision. Of course, it is not easy to do, because in a crisis adults have to restrain their emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code . Like most children learn? Take the example of the adults. That is the behavior of the parents in a conflict situation should teach children how to deal with anger and aggression. These eight effective anger management techniques to help your child learn to positively express their negative emotions.

• Simulation of anger management. "I'm very angry (and) so go to your room and try to calm down."
• Showing respect. Do not insult the child and do not use physical force.
• The verbal expression of anger. "I know that now you are angry / annoyed / wound up."
• Drawing parallels between you and the child. "I remember how I, too, was not allowed to the party ...."
• Setting incentives for good behavior. Instead of banning child throwing a toy on the floor and say, "Put the toy on the table, and we'll eat something delicious."
• The direction of the child's energy in a different direction. Encourage physical activity - running, jumping, drawing and so forth.
• Refusal of approval authority. Asking "Who's in charge here" to anything good will not result. If so, you want to control a child, you teach him to control other people, but not anger.
• Organization of reconciliation. In order to "cool down" and relax, read a book or a child for a walk with him. Then, calmly discuss what happened and your subsequent behavior.

By eliminating biological factors, look for psychological stimuli

The older the child becomes, the greater the load - emotional, educational, psychological - rests on his shoulders. Not only adults feel the crazy rhythm of life and action of numerous stress factors. Daily routine of an average child today and fifty years ago, are radically different. The modern urban child's day is painted almost the minute he goes to school, he attends various courses, clubs and studios, sitting at the computer, learn foreign languages. It is only natural that high expectations could cause his anger and aggression. Anger can also be a protective response to other stress factors - relocation, divorce of parents, death of a loved one or pet.

Children can express their anger in different ways: bad behavior, poor grades, detachment from the outside world, in spite of the action. As a result, stress How to beat stress? Create an oasis   children often have problems with stomach and headache Why do I so often have a headache? - Look for a cause .

To understand exactly what caused this strange behavior of the child, ask yourself exactly when he shows anger when playing with other children? When waking up? When meeting with a specific person? At certain times of day? Or anger began after a specific event? When the cause is found, and you know what triggers the child's anger and aggressive (or passive-aggressive) behavior, you can help him.

Do not try to deny your child to show anger

Anger - a natural emotion inherent in every person, but many of us, especially religious people mistakenly believe that to be angry is sinful and wrong. In fact, the Scripture does not say that anger - is a sin, so regardless of your religious beliefs should show your child that anger is nothing shameful or forbidden.

As the steam from the kettle, anger must find a way out. If you suppress it too long, it will result in a passive-aggressive behavior that is directed against those who embodies the authority for the child. As a child moves unconscious desire to disrupt those who have power over him, to provoke them to anger and emotions, which he is doing the opposite of what was demanded of him. When children are locked up anger within himself, it often causes psychosomatic problems: headaches, ulcers, internal organs, skin diseases Skin diseases - what to do when violated the basic functions of the skin . In some cases, passive-aggressive behavior in children are so entrenched that they use it to respond to any annoying situation. In the future this may bring them to suicide as a way of indirect expression of anger.

Teach your child to take their feelings and emotions, do not consider them as shameful and unacceptable, and does not eliminate a flash of anger, and to work with the situation, he was summoned. But take your anger and dump it on others - different things, so the child should be taught how to deal with this emotion Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code .

Help your child find other ways to express anger

Learn how to manage your anger - one of the most difficult problems, and many adults and can not overcome it until the end of life. Children express anger extremely clumsy as long as they do not teach the contrary. From teen also still do not expect that he would always express anger correctly. But just this and are waiting for the parents, not requiring the teenager to go crazy. In fact, parents need to step by step to teach adolescents to deal with his anger.

The worst way to express anger - passive-aggressive behavior. Somewhat better when a person absolutely no control over their behavior, being in a fit of rage, destroying everything around and / or aggressive towards others. It looks terrible, but still passive-aggressive behavior worse. Why is that? Because with fury much easier to handle; correct this behavior and prevent the explosion of rage is easier than to deal with passive-aggressive behavior. A little more than an acceptable way to express anger - a rage, in which a person was partially offset by themselves, do not break the furniture and does not use force against other people. Such an attack is limited to squeal, scream, accompanied by insults possible personal insults and other hurtful comments. In this case, the anger is not limited to the person who caused it, but also to everyone who comes "under the hot hand."

Much more suitable option - not restrain himself, to figure out the relationship in the conversation, but not trying to hurt the man without insulting him and criticizing. In this case, anger is also directed not only to the one who became his cause, but also on all others. This method is too simplistic, but it is better than the previous. The best way to express anger - to make it as calmly as possible and reasonable, directing it only angered you man. But in this case it is important that this person took your anger as mature, try to understand your position, as the resolution of the problem requires a logical and robust study of its two sides, discussion, consideration of both perspectives and the adoption of an agreement acceptable to all.

If we talk about practical tips should again mention the time-out technique, when a man for some time voluntarily isolate themselves, feeling angry. Some psychologists recommend the use of an analog of a punching bag (for example, a soft toy), to vent her frustration and their anger. The main thing - remember that the child is experiencing the same strong emotions as you, only worse deal with them. In some cases, you may need the help of a professional psychologist.