If you have been betrayed: how to cope with stress
June 11, 2012
Betrayal is different. Someone broke this promise to you, my husband changed with another woman friend told me about your secrets to outsiders, a close person has lost your trust, family members did not support you when you have difficulties, you do not get a raise is definitely deserve ... a list of possible betrayal options can be endless. The list of effects - also: breakup, reduced self-esteem, loss of confidence in any relationship at all, excessive suspiciousness, negative, destructive thoughts, depression
Depression - a little more than a bad mood
. But there are ways to reduce the negative consequences of betrayal to a minimum.
- Think. Take the time to analyze what happened, and ask yourself whether it is worth saving the ruined relationship. Try to get all the details to understand what and how has led to the betrayal. When you see all the shelves in your head, it will be easier to decide what to do next. In addition, the collection and comparison of the facts you have calmed down a bit, but it also contributes to clearer thinking.
- Take it easy. You can be angry at what betrayed you, but you can not take revenge for it yourself. If you start taking any substance that will help numb the pain for a while, or will be depressed for weeks - you will hurt yourself more than anyone else.
- Release. Come to the status constructively: do something from which you will feel better. Weep, wandered around the city, get in your car and drive somewhere just like that, without a purpose - no matter how pointless it may seem to you, do it, if you so easily.
- Be bold. This is a very difficult and painful experience, but you must find the courage to admit - you betrayed and betrayal - it's part of life. If you do it right, their experiences will benefit and will help in the future to better understand friends, relatives, colleagues and herself.
- Dignity. Take this test with flying colors. If you are sure they are right, do not make excuses, and make sure that no one was left in doubt as to your good name.
- Sorry. What happened, did not change, and the accumulated anger will slowly destroy you. So, as difficult as it may, I'm sorry. Sometimes forgiveness is the most terrible weapon against offenders.
- Set goals. Decide to get out of the situation stronger, with new values and attitudes.
- Find inspiration. Watch the movie, which gives positive emotions, listen to the cheerful music, read motivational books. Look for something that will lift your spirits and make want to move on.
- Self confidence. If, after the betrayal she swayed, find a way to restore it and make it even stronger. You have a chance to discover new facets of his personality - from stress
How to beat stress? Create an oasis
It has not only adverse effects.
- Constructive thinking. Carefully think about your future, about the old and new relationships. You want to give a chance to someone or something from the past, take a short break or leave for good?
- Look at your fears in the face. Risks build a new relationship, in spite of their fears. Or talk about what you're afraid of, with friends and family.
- Cooperation. Avoid being alone at the time, when you are experiencing betrayal. Talk to people you trust, do not turn in on themselves.
- Optimism. Perform their daily business with optimism. Remind yourself that you are now an optimist if you accidentally forget about it.
- Do not take revenge. It is unlikely that the revenge will be wasted time and effort. Failure to pay the offender of his coin - a sign of maturity, not cowardice.
- Personal development. Focus on how to develop further: education loans, career, sports and so on.
- Do not harm yourself. If you constantly remain depressed, drink alcohol, or drugs, or a job has thrown his appearance, and so on, you hurt yourself and not the offender. You - your greatest asset, do not let anyone take it away from you.
- Do not feel sorry for yourself. Learn to cope with uncertainty. All the time you know who you are and what you want. Stop feeling sorry for yourself - yes, you did is disgusting, but you have to live, and for that you need to stay yourself and be strong. Self-pity - one of the most destructive feelings.
- Use intuition. You can judge people not only the brain, but also feelings. The more you trust your intuition, the less likely it will be wrong.
- Stay active. Dancing, swimming, skydiving, horse riding - make to diversity, it does not give spleen stay with you for a long time.
- Love again. If you gave a loved one, it is very difficult to love again. In spite of this you need to remember that not all men are like your ex-husband or boyfriend. Fortunately.
- Think about the future. Build plans that motivate and inspire you. Ahead of you is still the sea of events and achievements.
- Stop worrying. Focus on the objective things, not emotions
Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code
. So you reduce the level of anxiety
Anxiety - how to distinguish normal from disease?
and will live here and now.
- Notes the progress. You betrayed, and that? your life continues to change, find this happiness, make new friends, discover new places. And reward yourself for the courage and strength that you have overcome the difficult situation.
- Patience. Surviving the betrayal, be patient: the pain will not pass as quickly as you want. Treat yourself with patience, do not blame yourself for attacks of despondency and methodically pull yourself out of them.
- Seek professional help. If you feel that you can not do to overcome the storm of negative emotions, go to a psychologist. It will help you to find ways in which you'll be able to control their condition.
Romance - trap for women?
March 3, 2011
Women's psychology is arranged in an interesting way: beautiful ladies is not enough to be content with the knowledge that they are loved. They need and appropriate acknowledgment of the love of men: candy, bouquets, candle-lit dinners, passionate declarations of verse and prose, walk under the moon and jewelry in velvet boxes. Ladies usually take it all with a bang, and did not think about the fact that the romance - it sometimes just a trap for women.
In essence, the romance is multifaceted. On it you can tell when a man is not only willing to pay a certain amount in a flower shop for a bouquet of stunning beauty, but also when he is ready to climb on a bed and pluck a rose bush, scraping his hands on the thorns. Romance - is not only an expensive diamond ring, offered to a dinner in the trendy restaurant, and carefully draped over the shoulders zyabnuschie warm blanket. Even sweet words like "dear, beloved, most beautiful" is perceived by most women as a manifestation of romance, as in everyday life and under normal circumstances, to hear something like that from men is simply unrealistic. Therefore difficult to anticipate what motivates another romance to go beyond the normal behavior: too strong and sincere feelings, or something else.
Of arsenal marriage swindler
Those who had to deal with marriage scams, or at least heard of them, probably know that the romance for men of this kind - a kind of professional skills. Usually, they appear to their victims owned a small business or employees of well-known companies, and at worst - the representatives of the creative glitterati. However, by questioning the ladies about his work a man usually shrugs and says he does not find in the "routine of" nothing interesting.
He will be ringing once passions every day and showered her gentle acceptance. Flowers and candy will go into play, too - though not particularly sophisticated and expensive, but the woman had will remain in full confidence that the roads are not gift expensive attention. And then the fun begins. Actually, it distinguishes marriage swindler from a male romance in its purest form. Marriage swindler necessarily make a marriage proposal, and after a while begins to encourage the bride to take action with the money or property: to sell an apartment or write it on your space, to lend him money for it or take a bank loan, and so on. Sane woman such requests should be alerted.
Rogue love - Casanova
There is another category of men. They do not hunt not for ladies' purses and apartments, and for "thereby". In other words, the goal is the same - to charm and seduce the largest possible number of women to make them either noncommittal intimate, sometimes even once. This psychological motives that drive Casanova and Don Juan, can be very different. Some of them are just looking for diversity in sex. Others assert themselves in this way: it seems that the number of conquered women talking about their perfect manhood.
The exact answer to the question of how to calculate Casanova, probably does not exist. Still, psychologists advise to pay attention to one caveat. If a man does to a woman a romantic act after another, and thus behaves as if it is nothing of it it is not necessary - it is an occasion to reflect. Gently and gradually pushing the woman to a close, he may then say something like: "I'm sorry, but I love you nothing to ask - you wanted it," and simply evaporate with its horizon.
True romance is selfless and at the same time inseparable from the other expressions of love, including the physical layer. It is not about that, having met in life obayashka romantic, escape from it with all haste. Do not immediately suspect him in every conceivable sin. But caution has never and does not harm anyone.