How to talk to your child about sexual violence: a heart to heart conversation
April 16, 2012
It is the duty of parents - to protect and safeguard the children, teach them not to get into dangerous situations and how to behave if it all happened. Sexual harassment and abuse of children is much more common than you might think. Every year, the world's recorded 80 000 cases of sexual abuse of children, but the number of unreported episodes is much greater because children are afraid to tell what happened.
Parents who feel that they really something the child sexual abuse is not threatened, are in a dangerous delusion, which can cause great harm to their family. According to statistics, over 60% of rape victims are minors. According to the National Center for Victims of Violence (National Center for Victims of Crime), about 33% of women (that is, every third) before reaching the age of majority at least once been subjected to sexual violence. Similar statistics for men no less shocking - victims of sexual abuse are more than 16% (ie about one-sixth). Most often subjected to rape teenagers, but not less than a quarter of cases falls on children under seven years. These alarming figures show that parents should take an active part in the life of the child and teach him how to avoid potentially dangerous situations and how to act if they are threatened by sexual violence.
This kind of violence often committed not by strangers, but by people well known to the child, parents, stepfathers, relatives or other persons not belonging to the family, such as a friend, a neighbor, a teacher, a teacher. According to statistics, 85-90% of cases the offender is well known to the child, and only 10-15% of rapes are committed by strangers. In the case of violence, the child develops anxiety feelings, thoughts and behavior. No child is psychologically not prepared for cases of repeated violence. Even two, three years of a child who does not know that such actions are unacceptable, there are problems that appear on its inability to cope with excessive irritation.
Tips for parents
Children aged five years or older, who know the offender and related personal relationships, forced to choose between love and loyalty to the man, and the knowledge that such relationships are unacceptable. If a child tries to break the relationship, the abuser may threaten violence or lack of love. When violence happens in the home, the child may fear the anger, jealousy
Jealousy and what to do with it
or shame of other family members, thinking that the family is destroyed, if everyone will know about it. A child who is constantly exposed to sexual abuse usually develops low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and misconceptions about sex. Teenager ceases closed, does not trust adults and has a tendency to suicide.
First talked about sex, parents often immediately warn children about the dangers of sexual abuse, but do it in such strong terms that it is impossible for them not to see the fear felt by mothers and fathers. Therefore, children often try to hide the sexual harassment or violence from their parents, and at the same time feel guilty, because afraid to upset my mother or father.
Child psychologists recommend originally installed with a child relationships based on trust in all that relates to sex. Then he react to parental warnings about sexual abuse with a greater understanding, not a sense of guilt or fear.
Parents should try to give the child understand that his body belongs only to him and no one else. Explain to your child that he does not have someone to hug or kiss, if you do not want it. This approach to teaching a child preventive measures to prevent sexual violence more effectively than serious warnings, which are based on fear.
Allow the child to understand that never one adult must not touch his genitals, and everything in between his legs, to ask him to undress so that there is something to see (if it was not a medical examination at his office in the presence of parents or with their permission). If someone ever under any circumstances, touch any place on his body, takes his camera or camcorder and nobody asks him not to talk about it, it should definitely talk about it. Ask your child to tell you about every case, when someone touched him in a way that made him feel strange or uncomfortable. In addition, you must warn the child that if a stranger approached him with a request to (help to find an address, lost pets or to help to get home), the child should immediately go home and tell an adult.
Some parents tell children that touch other people to their body may be "good" and "bad." But the child is sometimes difficult to understand than the "good" touch different from the "bad." A pedophile can all imagine such a way that the concept of "good" and "bad," it will only benefit.
One of the most reliable ways that can help you teach a child to confront sexual violence, is to spend time with him as much as possible. Children suffering from a lack of parental attention, are more likely to show interest in the attention that can give them a rapist. Criminals of this kind are very well aware of children and easy to seize the attention of those who lack such attention at home, or those who have accumulated a lot of questions about sex, which they can not find answers. Such people will quickly come to them in confidence, they know how to empathize with them and understand them, becoming a model for them adult to which they are drawn.
Unfortunately, even the most conscientious and attentive parents can not completely protect your child from sexual abuse - too many factors that can not be controlled. However, parents are able to give children the support that will help them not to succumb to the tricks of the criminal. Straight Talk and love can save you and your child from pain and suffering.
Psychosexual development of the child: A Guide for Adults
April 23, 2012
If you regularly communicate with their children at home or work, you must have noticed that the modern ignoramus behave much bolder and more relaxed than their counterparts twenty years ago. With alarming regularity child psychologists start talking about what the children (pre-transition age) not only demonstrate sexual behavior, and do it all at a younger age. In part, this phenomenon can be attributed to acceleration - begins before puberty
Puberty child - stages of a complex path
, And with it the concomitant sexual behavior. In other cases, we are talking about deviations from the norm - or a child too often manifests itself as a sexy subject, or does it, injuring others.
However, before the manifestation of sexuality
Nine ways to experience their sexuality
children should not surprise us. In the end, we raise a generation fixated on sex. Our children are daily victims of propaganda of sexual relations, which falls on them from all sides at a speed of an avalanche. Sometimes this propaganda veiled, but most of all - frank and full of aggression and exploit the worst gender stereotypes (men presented as brutal dominance, women - like tender odalisques). About sex scream from the pages of newspapers and magazines, on television and the Internet, as it is spoken in the streets, at school and at home. In short, sex is everywhere and protect his child impossible.
As you can see, it is quite logical to assume that a child will know about sex a little more than all, long before reaching puberty - for thirteen years he has seen and heard about sex and relationships between men and women as much as our parents did not see the entire life. Unfortunately, numerous empirical evidence suggests that the majority of parents are not with their children in a trusting relationship, rarely communicate with them and discussing issues of a sexual nature. In schools about sex and intimate relationships are not raised, and provided some schools sex education lessons are often held when it is too late.
What can cause "sexualisation" of society
Sexual propaganda, especially veiled and incomprehensible children, can lead to the following:
- They have raised questions as seen on TV are often contrary to what is taught by parents. Modern mothers and fathers have to talk to children about sex much earlier than their parents ten years ago. Even children's cartoons often a sexual innuendo.
- As a result, sexualization information space typical for children curiosity and interest in sex hideously transformed, and the child gets a distorted view of sexuality and sexual behavior, especially if the parents take a passive position and are in no hurry to respond to his questions. All children are interested in the human body and sex. This is perfectly normal and natural. But when sex and associated becomes an integral part of a child's life prior to his emotional and physical maturation, it can grow horny.
- Sometimes children demonstrate sexual behavior as a sign of protest against certain sexual activities. As we know, children have been sexually abused, often have a tendency to cause sexual behavior. Psychologists believe that this could happen in the event that children are too early or too often witness adult sexual behavior (or behavior imitating it) .About th, often tend to seksm and especially
- Some children use their sexual behavior to offend and hurt other children. Perhaps this is the saddest consequence of the sexualisation of society. It is natural that if the children early to begin to understand sex, this also applies to the bullies - children with aggressive behavior, which assert themselves at the expense of others. These bullies use sex to intimidate and humiliate other children. They (it can be both a boy and a girl) quickly realize that it is an effective way to assert his authority and thus receive the moral (and sometimes physical) satisfaction. This theory explains the frequent cases of sexual violence and aggression among children.
Normal and deviant sexual behavior in children
Adults need to know what the child's sexual behavior can be considered normal and natural for a certain age, and what does not fit into the norm. The ability to maintain a natural psychosexual development and to encourage a healthy curiosity of a child - an important task, which is not only to parents but also to teachers and other professionals who deal with children.
Some examples of typical and natural sexual behavior of children dopubertatnogo age:
- Masturbation and interest in their own genitals;
- Interest in the genitals of other people, both children and adults ("Show me what you have, and I'll show you that I have"); peeping, playing "hospital" and "doctor";
- Exhibitionism (occasionally);
- Imitation roles of parents (girls play "mother", and the boys - in the "daddy");
- Discussion of the genitals and "where babies come from" with peers and parents; interest in sex and relationships between boys and girls;
- Kissing, hugging, innocent flirtation
Flirting: Ten amazing facts
- Use of obscene words and jokes (sometimes).
In order to understand the child's normal sexual behavior, or not, you need to come out of the context of this behavior. Although, of course, there are sexual activities that do not fit into the norm regardless of the context (eg, simulation of sexual intercourse or attempt to persuade him), adults in their judgments should start from the context.
Here are contextual factors that should be taken into account:
- The regularity and frequency of sexual activity;
- The use of force, aggression or intimidation;
- The difference in the age of the children involved in sexual activities;
- The relationship between children involved in sexual activities (friendship, enmity);
Some sexual acts can be attributed to a problem and requires the attention of adults, in particular:
- Preoccupation with sex and all connected with it;
- Periodic attempts to get other children to show their genitals;
- Regular attempts to see the genitals of other children;
- Regular frank talk about sex with their peers;
- Touching the genitals of other children;
- Image genitalia or sexual intercourse, writing obscene words;
- Regular attempts to demonstrate to others their genitals.
These are deviant sexual activities and require the intervention of adults:
- Repeated contact with the genitals of other children;
- Forced nudity or touching the genitals of other children;
- Threats of a sexual nature, sexual aggression or intimidation;
- Frequent masturbation, the introduction of the vagina or anus of foreign objects;
- Simulated oral, vaginal or anal intercourse;
- Trying to oral, vaginal or anal intercourse;
- Compulsive interest in sex.
The intervention of the parents in the psychosexual development of the child
While many of us know about sex education only by hearsay, as our own parents they have neglected or have no training to tell children about sex, that parents and other adults enjoying the child's authority should be the main source of information on sexual relationship
Sexual relations: how to bring passion
. If parents do not try to be the child's friend and adviser in matters of sex, it will look for answers on the street or on the Internet, it is hardly good.
Psychologists help tips for parents who do not know how to start a conversation with your child about sex:
- Be open to communication. The child should know that can always turn to you with any questions about sex. Be prepared to give an honest and straightforward answer. In no case did not shy away from an answer, do not reproach the child. If his question do not answer you, it can make someone else. You can admit that you do not know the answer, and invite a child together and find it interesting to study his subject.
- Be aware of the age of sexual characteristics and needs of the child. Broaden your horizons more read about sex and sexuality; if necessary, rehearse a conversation with the child before the mirror, until you feel comfortable.
- Do not wait until the child starts to ask questions about sex - raise the topic themselves. If the child is silent, it does not mean that he was not interested in anything, or he does not need to know about sex.
- You think you are so often talk to your child about sex? Most likely, you are wrong. Even if the parents believe that their child is knowledgeable about sex, studies show that it is not.
- The sooner you accept the fact that your child from infancy has sexuality, the better for him and for you.
- Be prepared for the fact that the child will receive information about sex from different sources. If you are at home delicately around this theme party, this does not mean that the child does not know anything about sex.
- Seriously, prepare to talk about sex, armed with the facts and tell the child about personal values, choices and responsibility for it (for example: "Masturbation is not harmful, and I do not mind that you were dealing with it, but this should be done in alone behind closed doors ").
- Also be prepared for the fact that the questions arise in a child sex earlier than expected.
And most importantly - stay calm.
- psychosexual development of the child