Middle school age (9-12 years)

Hormonal changes and the growing influence of the environment (school yard of the company, the media, the Internet) lead to the fact that the child is acutely aware of their own sexuality Nine ways to experience their sexuality ; on the eve of puberty Puberty child - stages of a complex path   he develops sexual desires and interests.

Norm:

• The child wants to know and ask questions about:

1. materials and information of a sexual nature;
2. intimate relationships and sex lives.

• The child uses a specific vocabulary to discuss sex, especially in conversations with peers.
• The child continues to sexual experiments on their peers, it takes the first romantic relationship.
• The child continues to explore his genitals; their possible stimulation for pleasure.

Deviation:

• The sexual behavior of the child imitates the behavior of adults.
• The child shows sexual behavior in public places.

Teens (13-16 years)

Norm:

• The child wants to know and ask questions about:

1. elections;
2. relations in the team and accepted norms of sexual behavior;
3. personal values, attitudes and consequences of sexual behavior.

• The child continues to explore his genitals; their possible stimulation for pleasure.
• In girls, there is first menstruation; boys - the first ejaculation.
• Frequent sexual experiments with peers of the same sex with the child.
• For children in this age characterized voyeuristic tendency - they like to pry.
• About a third of teens occurs first sexual intercourse.

Deviation:

• Exhibitionism and masturbation in public places.
• Sexual interest in young children.

How to rectify the situation, if the child has observed deviation

• Make a plan. Do not wait for "evidence" that a child that is not right, and it will be too late.
• Pay attention to the danger to the child of action (for example, causes or aggressive behavior) - they may be a sign of a perfect child sexual abuse.

Remember that the best treatment - is prevention, so do not wait until a child becomes a victim of sexual abuse.

How to avoid common problems and mistakes after divorce

Single parents usually face a lot of stress during the divorce proceedings. That traps that await parents after a divorce:

• Chronic depression

You feel the lethargy and apathy? Everything that once seemed nice, do not give pleasure? If so, then you are under the influence of depression Depression - a little more than a bad mood Which can handle, if you make the effort. This disorder is often associated with overeating, alcohol and drug abuse, compulsive watching TV and indecent websites.

• Changing roles - parent-child

The loss of a friend (partner) because of divorce or death can force single parents to reverse roles with children and of "tutors" become "students". Parents who are looking for children for emotional support, often try to isolate them from the outside world and their peers, thereby cultivating thinking "we are against the whole world" that harms children. If it's a girl, it means that "all men are bad and unreliable" ("Look what your father has done to us?"). If it is a boy, the damage will be even greater (see. The following paragraph).

• The problem of mother-son

A single mother can bring up her son, developing in him the qualities opposite to those at her ex-husband, that is, . e .  trying to sculpt out of him the perfect man for himself .  To do this, it isolates the son from the father and constantly intervenes in his life under the pretext of "I sacrificed everything for you, and you owe me" .  In turn, the son realizes a system by which he can get whatever he wants: for this you need only to execute the instructions of mother .  Paradoxically, this training gives the opposite result: a man begins to be afraid of all the women who can influence his life .  At best, he will not be able to establish a healthy relationship of trust with women .  In the worst case, he was angry at all the female and will be secret misogynist, which can manifest itself in different ways (it may or may avoid any contact with women, and deliberately involve women in a relationship, and then brutally torturing, avenging received mother-of resentment) .

What can you do?

Avoid these mistakes and problems is not difficult, it does not take much time. Just remember the following rules:

• Express emotions Emotions and culture: how to decipher the emotional code   communicating with peers and not with children

If a child is for you - the main emotional support, replace it in this role someone else - a friend, relative, spiritual mentor. Do not choose an adult of the opposite sex, it was in the same situation. Each sensitive when suffering. And it is very easy to confuse sympathy with the romantic interest.

• Listen to the feelings of your children

Trying not to dwell on his own feelings and experiences, or may not notice the feelings of others. Always spend time talking about the feelings of their children. Use while traveling, preparing for bed Dreams: how to understand our dreams   and walks to listen to the child. Try to summarize what you hear. Remember that it is time to understand your children, and do not correct them.

• Keep word

Children are often exposed to stress How to beat stress? Create an oasis   because they do not trust other people - including their parents - just doing what they are told. To the children began to trust you, you keep your word and fulfill the promises on time. Careful and responsible parents can help children to renew confidence and cure loneliness.

• Spend time touching

Hugs, wiggle, shake and other movements, showing friendliness to help renew confidence. Even young men may positively take back rubbing the walls of the house. Do not be shy.

• Do not impose excessive demands to themselves

Since you do not have a partner to share parental responsibilities are not overreach. Do not try to do everything, focus on the essentials.

• Nurture yourself

Dysfunctional behavior often manifests itself after the crisis. Rather than seek solace in food, alcohol, or sex, find other ways to recharge. Read a book, take a walk or enjoy a favorite sport.

• Rate yourself

Write three words that can describe it, how would you like to see your children. If writing does not coincide with reality, try to achieve that. We all have difficult times. Just be sure to have your bad days did not develop into a bad habit.

If you have a single-parent family, or if you want to prevent the occurrence of this problem - remember that life does not give guarantees. We all learn from your mistakes, your children will also have nabyut than one lump before come to the right path.